There Must Be a Better Way to Celebrate Christmas

My son getting pulled over for running a YELLOW light by a PEATC cop angling for payback for working on Christmas Day was the last straw. It capped a month of barreling through a sea of Divisoria shoppers while weight lifting two or three or four heavy bags; wrapping gifts (I didn’t make it on time), cooking and preparing costumes till the dawn mass bells rang; and racking my sleep deprived brain for scripts.

I am now officially a non-fan of the Christmas season.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not joining Scrooge and saying, “Bah, humbug!” to Christmas. I’m not swearing off all the trappings and the decorations (I would love to dress up my home more if only I had the time).

I still love the reason for this season deeply and passionately. I’m still grateful to the Lord for the great gift of His Son.

What I don’t like is pressure and hassle that the celebration brings. Do we even remember who it’s all for in the mad rush to buy gifts, in practicing for Christmas presentations and in budgeting for the one hundred and one charitable causes that mushroom in December?

What I’m saying is there must be a better way to celebrate Jesus’ birthday. I’m looking for something more intimate and serene. A celebration where He is the important one. A celebration where He does not get substituted by other people and events.

So here I sit in the quiet of the 26th – a lull before the revelry of the New Year brings on another hectic round of wrapping gifts (yup, still doing that), partying and cooking – pondering on how I can honor the celebrant properly.

Maybe next year I can celebrate Christmas on the Feast of the Annunciation. After all life begins in the womb and this was when Mary was told she will be the mother of the Son of God – “And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall name Him Jesus.” (Luke 1:31)

That will certainly be stress-less as only Jesus and I will be in His party. I can go on a personal retreat so we can really hang out and talk.

As for the Christmas gifts, I still have to give my family gifts on Christmas because the children look forward to that in our gatherings. But as for my friends and people I work or serve with, I want to think of a creative way to get around that.

I can give my Christmas gifts on their birthdays. That way my gift giving will be spaced out throughout the year and I can spend more time honoring the celebrant in December. I can also use the extra time to savor the memory of each blessing He has gifted me with for the year.

Or maybe I can pick another special holy day to give out my Christmas gifts. Let me think about that. I should come up with something by New Year’s Day because my fondest wish is to be able to enjoy the Christmas season next year and be a fan again.

Sticks and Stones

I’m sure you’re familiar with this famous reply to taunts and threats: “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me”? This may be true in the physical sense but words can harm in other ways.

Speak God’s Words. That’s the title of talk 2 of the Transformed series at the Feast. The talk last Sunday (Dec. 4) reminded me of the ways that my words can destroy other people or how I can be hurt by some thoughtless remark. When words are used to complain, criticize and ridicule they become instruments that can shatter a person’s worth, reputation and self esteem.

There was an incident that happened when I was just starting to serve as emcee. Someone remarked that I was not good enough for the job for the simple reason that I happened to have a uterus and my voice can only go as low as Alto 2. In short, only men are fit to be emcees. I was floored by the chauvinism.

Not only that, the critic proceeded to rattle off the names of every Tom, Dick and Harry who are more qualified…to my face. That almost shattered my ego and almost stopped me from hosting any event ever again. I said almost because I happen to have skin about an inch thick (that thick) on my face (in Tagalog we call it kapalmuks) so it didn’t bother me too much. I was okay after about a month. ;) Other people who are more sensitive might have quit on the spot. Imagine the harm done if this was said to a young person at the brink of launching a longed-for career.

During the talk we were exhorted to use our words for good instead. They must be used to compliment, correct in a loving manner and refresh. Let me share something I wrote in my journal almost a year ago to illustrate my point.

Jan.14, 2011

Giving Delight

“Listen, for I will speak noble things; And the opening of my lips will reveal right things.” – Proverbs 8:6

As I was preparing the articles I have to bring to the writing seminar I’m attending tomorrow, it dawned on me that writing is not the greatest gift that the Lord has given me. My greatest gift is delighting people with the articles that I write about them or their businesses. I make them happy because I highlight the good that they do.

One of the articles I’m bringing is about the controversial Vicki Belo. When it was posted in Proudly Filipina.com, someone commented to my partner that my series of articles managed to bring out her good points.

Another article in my portfolio is the one I wrote about my father for his 80th birthday. I was feeling a bit down on his birthday because I could not afford to splurge on a grand party for him. All we could manage was a nice, classy dinner in Alba’s for the family. After the occasion, I wrote an article for Insight Magazine extolling his virtues as a man of God, a family man, a friend and a crusading lawyer. He was ecstatic when it was published. He must have given out several dozens to friends and colleagues. That, more than the fancy dinner, was the best gift I could give him.

Words must be used to give life and hope rather than to kill dreams. In the wrong mouth, words can be deadlier than a sword.

From Glory to Glory to Glory (Day 2)

The tenor’s fluid rendition of the song gave me goose bumps. “Hosanna, in the highest. Let our King be lifted up. Hosanna.” A hush fell over the audience as Arun Gogna, the last speaker for the Kerygma Conference 2011 Faith Stream, announced the arrival of our special guest.

He was ushered in by 4 young men bearing banners that proclaimed His greatness – “King of Kings”, “Messiah”, “Alpha & Omega”, “Lamb of God.” Our special guest was Jesus, truly present in the Holy Eucharist.

As Fr. Steve Tynan bore the monstrance down the aisle, the crowd instinctively fell on their knees in adoration. It was a stirring sight enhanced by dancers solemnly marching in with raised flags.

Many faces were bathed in tears, mine included. Unlike the audience, I knew what was going to happen but I was still awed by His presence in the unfolding event.

It was a fitting finale to a day spent deepening our knowledge about the Catholic faith. It also capped months of preparation by the Faith Stream team; the last few days steeped in stress. With Jesus before me, I could now serenely look back to what was…

The job description for Production Manager only said: 1) assemble production team and coordinate communication; 2) coordinate with secretariat; 3) provide scripts/schedules; 4) provide t-shirt sizes of the team; and 5) coordinate with PAs of speakers.

Sounds manageable. I can do that. I agreed to serve especially since the whole team is from Feast Alabang. But my duties morphed into something resembling the mythical Hydra. When I ticked a task off my list, more popped up.

So there I was at the Faith Stream dealing with a string of unrelated tasks and bloopers. “Where are the table cloths for the book tables?” Huh? “Where will we put the signage for the parking lot?” Duh. “There are attendees who bought food stubs for the other venue and they’re mad the concessionaire is not here.” Uh-oh.

“Sis, even the front row seats were numbered, where will the speakers sit?” I cringed as I imagined asking our first speaker, the Archbishop-elect of Manila no less, to vacate his place when the ticket-holder for that seat comes.

And there’s my personal blooper. I turned my cellphone to silent mode in obedience to the house rules. I therefore missed several calls to alert me that Bro Bo Sanchez had arrived. I flubbed my primary role of being the key coordinator.

But I was not alone in the welcome bloopers. When Myrna, our hardworking Program Director, asked Bo to sit beside the Archbishop who had arrived earlier, he mentioned that her beloved hubby was still at the entrance waiting for our esteemed guest.

By God’s grace, the problems were addressed and the bloopers became memories we could laugh about over dinner.

God rewarded the teams’ efforts by helping each one survive many challenges. The stage with its stained glass cathedral windows design came out majestic. The singers and the band heightened worship with world class music. The dancers were gracefully in sync. The technical team managed a glitch-free event.

We were also blessed with high powered speakers(Archbishop Chito Tagle, Bro Marwil Llasos, Fr. Domie Guzman and Arun Gogna), host (J Yogawin), worship leaders (Rissa Singson-Kawpeng and our track head, Carl Fontanilla) and capable Central Support teams.

As I knelt before the Holy Eucharist during the recessional, I thanked God for revealing His glory at the KCon.

Special thanks to IC de Guzman for this precious photo with Archbishop Chito Tagle who is touted to be the next Pope. (I hope, I hope, I hope.)

From Glory to Glory to Glory (Day 1)

Top Ten

I was tired and harassed. The difficulties were piling up as I wasn’t just singing with the Grand Feast choir, I was also Production Manager for the Faith Stream.

But I was also excited! As I wrote in my last blog, I know without a doubt that the trials of serving at the Kerygma Conference will eventually bring a shower of blessings. The Lord cannot be out-given.

Little did I expect that God will send His blessings via express delivery.

The day before KCon, I was drowning in preparations for the Faith Stream: meeting, distributing t-shirts and IDs, printing car passes and signage, lists, tasks, etc., etc., etc. In the midst of all these, my elder son called and said, “Mom, guess what I’m a teacher!” I said, “Of course you are, sweetie.” He works as a pre-school teacher.

He said, “No Mom, I’m a real teacher.” Then I got it. On September 25, 2011, he took the Licensure Examination for Teachers. He passed! We had been praying about this and here was our answered prayer.

Then I asked, “Are you in the top ten?” He said he was the first to finish when he took the exam thus my hope that he will land in that magic circle. He didn’t think so. He didn’t notice his name.

I was fine with it. It was a big blessing already as only 22.68% who took the exam for elementary teachers made it.

But last Friday after the Leadership Stream, I saw 2 missed calls from him. When I returned his call, he said a friend had congratulated him on Facebook. It was only then he found out he placed seventh! Or, as my father pointed out, just 1.6 points less than the topnotcher.

Even before I got into the thick of service for KCon, God already sent a delightful surprise. It was more than what we prayed for.

Serving God in itself is glorious. It becomes even more so when He beats you to the draw.

Third Row Season

‘Tis the season for Kerygma Conference again. For the third time I’m joining the KCon choir for the Grand Feast. And for the third time I am relegated to the nether world of choirdom. You know that spot on the third row where without risers, you cannot be seen just heard?

During rehearsals we were told to “find your height” for blocking purposes. This must be the most difficult directive to follow. There’s that first part where smaller people are supposed to be in front of us. And then there’s that part where taller people are supposed to be behind us.

So difficult and confusing in fact that I found myself on the third row peeping through the shoulders of taller members. But the marvelous thing about this experience is that it teaches you serenity and humility.

This time around I wasn’t bothered about it. Why? Because for the past two years I have seen God’s hand in this arrangement.

My experience in 2009 when only a fourth of my face was seen in the official photos gave birth to a Didache reflection used in this year’s edition. Not only that, an amazing coincidence related to that reflection happened just last month. This, I believe, was used by God to also bless Feast Alabang attendees.

In KCon 2010, it wasn’t just about this blocking confusion but about the venue assignment. Since all the attendees could not be accommodated in one venue for the Grand Feast, the choir had to be divided into two. Group A was to go to PICC Plenary Hall and Group B to the hot and noisy Forum tent outside.

Whoops of delight greeted Group A assignments. Several of us from the Feast Alabang choir somberly listened as our names were called for Group B.

Friends in Group A egged us to appeal for transfer. But I felt we needed to be obedient to God’s will. The others in Group B felt the same way. And so we stayed.

You know how God rewarded our obedience? Right before the event, we were told that the Forum tent venue was scrapped. Group B will instead sing at the Reception Hall. So there we were in the same air-conditioned, chandeliered grandeur as Group A.

But as we waited for our cues to sing, Group A sat on the stairs of the Plenary Hall while we lounged on comfortable chairs in the spacious Reception Hall. We even had access to the luxurious dressing room nearby. Group A, on the other hand, had to make do with the public rest rooms (as I love to tease my friends in that group).

So this year, instead of fretting about my third row perch I am actually quite excited. I’m excited to see how God will surprise and delight and bless me in that spot He has picked out especially for me.

Thank you to my son, Buddy, for the cartoon :)

Long Term Plan

The inspiration came from an incident that happened in November 2009. I wrote about it in December 2010. On October 12, 2011, the date of my Didache reflection, two friends (J and Gina) commented on the amazing coincidence that it came out on that particular day.

The last date in this trilogy was the birthday of Reggie, a brother in our community. It was a special celebration – a thanksgiving for a blessed life. To honor him and as a gift for a man who has almost everything, we prepared a dance.

We threw all dignity to the wind for the love of a brother. We were jokingly threatened to be disowned by other members of the community if we tarnish the good name of Feast Alabang. And since some of the people who were going to perform our Grease number were no longer strangers to arthritis and high blood pressure, disownment was a huge possibility.

By the grace of God, we pulled it off. The cheers and enthusiastic applause by the audience assured we don’t have to say we belong to Feast Marilao or some other Feast.

Was it just an amazing coincidence or a divine long term plan that my reflection came out on that day? I’d say the second because the Sunday immediately after the party, our worship leader even used the coincidence in his exhortation. With God’s perfect timing, people are still being blessed by an incident that happened two years ago.

My October 12 Didache reflection:

A CHORUS LINE

“Woe to you, Pharisees! You love the seat of honor in synagogues and greetings in marketplaces.” – Luke 11: 43

I love performing. That’s the reason why I joined the glee club in college. Singing and dancing onstage under the lights, in front of big applauding crowds, was the highlight of my college life.

When I joined Light of Jesus, my ministry of choice was, naturally, music. Later, our chapter’s Music Ministry was absorbed into the South Feast in Alabang. I noticed that pride was an issue in the beginning. We were like Pharisees who loved the limelight. Feelings were hurt over lead singer assignments; some members thought they were too good to be taught. But as our service increased, pride slowly decreased.

Joining the chorus at the 2009 Kerygma Conference was a humbling experience for many of us. It was a big chorus. Those of us in the third row were not seen by the audience or on camera. But more than performing in front of a huge crowd in Araneta, our biggest thrill was singing for the Lord and touching the people there. It didn’t matter to me that only a fourth of my face was seen in the official photos. I knew from where He sat, the Lord could see us.

Our Meeting Place

Feast Alabang Leaders’ Retreat – October 28, 2011

I was late. I had to go up to my room to get my bible. Everyone had found their nook – their meeting place with God. I still had to search for mine…that place where God will tell me to stop so we can sit and talk.

I made my way up the knoll where the grotto was. There by the side of the grotto’s pool was my spot. It was an imperfectly perfect place.

Imperfect. The stone on which I sat was jagged, uncomfortable. There were ants on the other stones beside it. In a few minutes the path back to the retreat house will be dark as the sun draws the curtain over the canopy of trees above me.

Perfect. Mama Mary was behind me just as she always is – praying for me to her son. The ants didn’t take a single nip at me even if I was in biting distance. And a nearby lamp turned on to give me light just as the dusk set in.

My spot. It lies beside the pool much like the setting in the passage we were asked to ponder upon. John 4:1-42 was about the Samaritan woman by Jacob’s well.

My reflection: When we come to drink the living waters, the conditions are not always comfortable. But we sit with the Lord in any circumstance. We serve even when it is difficult. And our Lord, Jesus, gives us protection from the bites of reality. He gives light to guide us over the rough path so we can find our way safely home.

Thanks to IC de Guzman for the retreat attendees' photos.

Real Friends, Real Heroes

What is friendship? Is it just the laughter and a lot of time spent together? Is it just shared experiences and bonding moments?

That’s just froth that merrily bubbles over the deeper waters of true friendship.

How can one tell who your real friends are? Here’s something I wrote about my favorite people in the world.

Real Friends…

…Burn the phone wires until their ears have gone flat

from your stories, your gripes and your non-stop chat.

…Look at you clearly and are honest enough

to tell you your fashion sense took the day off.

…Bop you and scold you and make sure that you don’t

give in to that dim-witted thing that you want.

…Defend you from critics when brickbats abound.

…Say good things about you when you’re not around.

…Feel no envy when it’s your moment to shine;

happy not hurt just to cheer from the sideline.

If a hero is one who dies to oneself,

then real friends are heroes – ‘tis truth in itself.

Just as St. Paul had a faithful friend in Luke, I am blessed with real friends. I thank God today for that blessing and priceless treasure.

“Luke is the only one with me.” – 2 Timothy 4:11

From Companion, October 18, 2011: “To have a faithful friend like Luke is a wonderful gift from God and an inestimable treasure.”

The Dehydrated Camel

Sub-title – Guideline # 5: A Servant Leader Seeks Spiritual Nourishment

There was once a camel named Abou. He was a diligent and caring fellow. The other camels looked up to him. The master was so happy with his show of leadership; he put Abou at the head of the caravan.

One day the caravan set out across the wide desert for the grandest city in all the land. All the camels were excited to set their hooves on streets that were said to be paved with gold.

The journey was long and hot. The master stopped at the oases that dotted the desert to cool off the caravan. In each oasis Abou ran around doing head camel things. “C’mon herd, drink up! Don’t mind the iguana.” “Master, Jamal’s harness is loose.” “Your load is slipping, my boy.”

He was so busy he only got a sip or two. In one oasis, he even totally forgot to drink. As the sun turned the desert into a furnace, Abou got weaker and weaker. He became so dehydrated, the master decided to leave him in a tiny run-down desert town lest he die along the way.

With tears in his eyes, he watched the caravan disappear into the distant sand dunes. He was too busy to drink from the nourishing waters when he had the chance. Now he will never lay eyes on that glowing city.

***

I wrote this cautionary tale to illustrate Guideline #5 for my Manual for Servant Leaders Who Insanely Love to Serve God Despite Harassments and Frustrations. (Thank you to my son, Buddy, for the cartoon.) It was inspired by something J Yogawin said during our Evangelism Pillar Pastoral Formation last week. J is our Associate Builder for the Wednesday Feast Alabang.

He exhorted us to be committed to our service. But he also said, “You should never be too busy that you miss the opportunity to sit still, listen and learn how to change your life.” We may be present at the Feast but our minds might be on something else.

That broad-sided us like a blow from a shepherd’s rod. It’s true that when we buzz around with this errand and that, we sometimes forget to heed the talks and take them to heart.

This lapse will become evident in the way we live and treat other people. It’s not an inspiring sight when servant leaders live in direct opposition to the teachings that flow abundantly at the Feast. When we do not seek spiritual nourishment our souls wither.

Abou, like Martha in the bible, had a heart for service but he forgot the one thing that will refresh him and bring him out of the desert.

But Martha was distracted with all her preparations… the Lord answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only one thing is necessary...” – Luke 10:40-42

Planking Biblical-style

No, I’m not talking about the “Lying Down Game” which is the current rage today of people lying face down as stiff as a wooden plank. It’s also not the political planking recently used in a protest action that caused one lawmaker to file the “Anti-Planking Act of 2011.”

I’m talking about planking in the bible. Specifically in Matthew 7:3 –

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?”

It’s a more dangerous kind of game. The kind that blots souls and destroys relationships.

Planking in the bible is about always seeing the negative in other people. Overly-critical people constantly point out what is wrong with others instead of appreciating what is right. Funny thing is these critics aren’t flawless in the first place. And let me say that at times, I too am guilty of this – either by my own instigation or I get roped into the critique (oo nga, oo nga). [Note to self: avoid planking – dangerous to your health.]

Just last night I witnessed two incidents of planking – both in the biblical sense. One was directed at me as emcee of the Roots seminar for doing something taught in an emceeing workshop (ranting? – hehehe). The other was directed at our guest worship leader just because her worship was slightly different from ours.

The second planking reminded me of our recent Inter-Feast Music Ministry Gathering*. Among other things, George Gabriel talked about pride – the pitfall that music ministers should avoid. He said that many times we think that the way we do things in our community or in our particular Feast is better than the way others do it. That kind of thinking causes disunity and has no place in a Christian community.

Let me end by focusing on the positive instead. I praise and thank the Lord for my blessings - the compliments and kind words I received last night from many other people not into the biblical game of planking.

* Allow me to add a footnote about the Inter-Feast Music Ministry Gathering held on September 21, 2011 at the Makati Feast venue. I will describe it in one word: AWESOME. Just imagine around 350 music ministers singing and dancing in praise of our awesome God. What touched me the most was the simple worship – just George and Gigi de Jesus with a guitar onstage. It could have been grandiose what with all the Music Ministries from different Feasts present. But as George quoted Arun, “Worship is when there is nothing else.” No frills, no artistry…just you and God.

*Thanks to Emy Cañete for the Inter Feast Music photo.

Siomai Love in Simple Service

“The scribes and the Pharisees have taken their seat on the chair of Moses. Therefore do and observe whatsoever they tell you, but do not follow their example. For they preach but they do not practice…All their works are performed to be seen…They love places of honor at banquets, seats of honor in synagogues…” – Matthew 23:2-6

The scribes and Pharisees had a hey-world-look-at-the good-I-do-and-honor-me kind of service. It must have really annoyed Jesus. Just look at his rant in the verses I quoted. But instead of writing about what not to do (the passage cited very clear examples already) let me tell you instead about love and service that create miracles of friendship and camaraderie.

You know that saying, “Big things come in small packages”? How about “Great service is shown in simple acts”? I just coined the second one so it's probably unfamiliar.

Although I just made it up, it’s based on real blessings our Media Ministry experienced the first two Saturdays of this month. We were served with great love by a sister in our community, the mother of two of my members.

On the first Saturday, we planned what was dubbed by the FAMMily (Feast Alabang Media Ministry family) as a meeouting, a meeting/outing (we’re writers, we like making up words) to a nearby resort. Plans were scrapped at the last minute due to bad weather.

Ellen volunteered to prepare our lunch. She cooked food good for an army when there were just 9 of us. We changed our venue to the Feast Alabang Center so she also wanted to feed the other ministries meeting there. That selfless deed was enough to create miracles. The buffet blessed many that day not just with overfilled stomachs but with friendships simmered to full flavor over pans and pans and pans of good food.

On the second Saturday, we organized a Creative Videography workshop. We didn’t plan on serving snacks because the fee was slashed by more than half. She came to the rescue again with her delicious siomai (dumplings) that was more than enough to feed the hungry participants and members.

Her service was done to make others happy. It is not the kind that seeks recognition. It is not the kind that seeks a place of honor – up there in front where everybody can see. It is not the kind that elbows out others just to shine. It is a simple act that served others greatly.

I appreciated her support so much I just couldn’t resist using the word play for my title. I hopia like it.

Stand in the Gap

Sub-title – Guideline # 4: A Servant Leader Protects His People

I’m writing again for my “Manual for Servant Leaders Who Insanely Love to Serve God Despite Harassments and Frustrations.” (If I keep repeating that title it just might stick:))

It has taken me quite some time to write Guideline #4. Maybe because this is one of the hardest things a servant leader must do for his people – stand in the gap. Protect those the Lord has given you to shepherd.

There might be times when someone bypasses you as head and takes your members to task for something they did. There might be times when your group’s wellbeing or interest is compromised. There might be times when a given policy is inimical to them.

These are just a few instances a servant leader must step up to defend his sheep.

It’s so much easier to take the pacifist stance and say, “The Lord will take care of them. Let’s just exercise the virtue of patience.” And off you go to float in your cloud, tinkle a few notes on your harp and twirl your halo.

But remember the bracelet that was very popular among young people a few years back that had these letters, WWJD? (As a matter of fact, teen-agers desired it so much, one or two shoplifted bracelets from our store. They didn’t know the letters stood for “What Would Jesus Do?”)

I asked myself that question, “What would Jesus do in a situation where my member’s welfare is at stake?” I found my answer in the bible:

“I am the good shepherd; the good shepherd lays down His life for the sheep.” - John 10:11

Jesus will not allow the wolf to decimate his flock. I can picture Him standing between the wolf and us, his flock, holding a shepherd’s rod for protection.

When you stand your ground it sends a signal both ways to your flock (behind) and to the wolf (in front):

1. You will protect your flock. You are there to provide a strong defense.

2. You will not tolerate the wolf’s infraction. He may huff and he may puff but you will not be intimidated.

But also keep in mind that the wolf is also God’s creature and is probably just experiencing memory lapses about that wonderful fact. The wolf might not even be a real one but a sheep in wolf’s clothing who is suffering an identity crisis. The wolf too must be dealt with love. There is no need to fight back or return each huff he hurls.

Calmly stand your ground and let the wolf know he will not be allowed to harm your sheep. It’s the kind of tough love that will not let him self-destruct because he forgets to treat others with kindness.

Actually this course of action requires more love and patience than the pacifist stance I previously mentioned. You will also need a strong will to hold back tongue and temper. But the end result will be good for everyone: the sheep get the protection they need, the wolf gets a lesson in character formation or given an enlightening moment and the shepherd gets to exercise his diplomatic skills.

So here’s Guideline #4 in a nutshell: “Practice tough love with the wolf to protect your sheep.”

Pruning the Dream

I just love beautiful and unusual gardens. When we travel to foreign countries, I make sure famous gardens are included in our itinerary. I fondly remember some of them – Huntington in California, Botanic Gardens in Singapore, my favorite Cockington Green with its miniature buildings and gardens in Canberra.

I marvel at the exquisite scenery created by beautiful blooms and well-shaped topiaries. Ironically, I have a brown thumb and I’ve killed every plant I’ve tried to take care of. Good thing my mother has a green thumb so I still get to enjoy looking out to a lush garden with several fruit bearing trees while savoring my meals.

In yesterday’s talk at the Feast, “Increase Harvests” of the current series The Force, I was reminded that the gardens I love to look at didn’t just happen. There were gardeners who watered, fertilized and most especially pruned the plants into the beautiful, bountiful things that they are.

I mentioned pruning in particular because this is key to the abundant harvest and artful shapes. Imagine topiary with wayward branches – not a pretty sight. Or a tree with overcrowded leaves that block life-giving sunlight. Without the sun and room to grow, it can’t bear that many fruits.

So pruning is important if we want beauty and abundance. It’s the same with our life. Our Divine Gardener takes away the things that are bad for us or that distract us from becoming the best we can be.

When I heard the talk, I recalled a Caring Group friend’s situation. She had asked me for advice about her career shift. Having her own business had been her heart’s desire for quite some time but she couldn’t let go of her employment because it paid her bills.

So the dream remained just that – a dream. Until something happened that forced her to quit her job. More than that, avenues for her to seek another employment were closed.

The first thing that flashed in my mind was that the Lord was leaving only one door open for her. This was the door to the dream she had been praying for. Today, by God’s grace, she has just opened her own business.

Sometimes, when we can’t do it for ourselves the Lord steps in to prune the things that are keeping us from bearing abundant fruit.

A Servant Leader’s Survival Kit

Sub-title – Guideline #3: A Servant Leader’s Heart is Humble.

I thank God the inspiration He sent for this blog was a gentle whisper of a thought instead of another jarring experience. He heard the prayer I uttered at the end of my last blog. But without a background story I was in danger of moralizing. I will then be the first to break this principle I am to write.

I became more hesitant when I read this passage in Companion during my prayer time last Monday, June 20, 2011:

“Stop judging, that you may not be judged. For as you judge, so will you be judged, and the measure with which you measure will be measured out to you. “ – Matthew 7:1-2

Then I remembered the cheesy survival kits we used to assemble and sell in our now deceased gift shop (May it rest in peace). I decided to put one together instead for me, myself and Mirella. I need to check this periodically like the list used for car maintenance. So here are the things I need for MY leadership to survive the test of humility:

1. Shades – to shield my eyes from the blinding klieg lights when I serve onstage (literally and figuratively) and I take credit for far more than I deserve. To be able to “see the people in the audience”. (I must not forget those who have laid the foundation of commitment before me or who have labored to build the community/ministry with me.) To keep my eyes clearly focused on the only star of the show – Jesus.

2. Sharp pin – to prick my ego for those times I sinfully enjoy having my name bannered in big bold fonts. To deflate me and make me pliant enough to emulate a leader who once gave me the directive to feature another leader’s name instead of his when space is lacking.

3. Disposable cup – to remind me a servant leader is but God’s vessel. For times when I’m feeling on top of the heap and begin to think I’m the only useful person around. May I not forget that God can raise others to take my place when I no longer serve humbly. Maybe I’ll print a caricature of King Saul and David on the side just to drive home the point.

4. “My Way” CD – to crush/break/shatter when this song starts to be my national anthem, when I’m putting my interests above the good of the community and when I start throwing my weight around. I must remember many people have been killed over this song in our videoke-crazy country. I need to be vigilant so that my soul will not be included in the casualty count.

5. Baby leash – to wear when I start to put my nose in other people’s business because I’ve deluded myself into thinking I know better. I will ask Papa God to hold the reins so that He can pull me back when I’m straying to where I’m not supposed to go.

6. Correction fluid – to blot out memories of the time, treasure and talent I have given in service lest they become a source of pride.

This is a standard I’m setting for myself. Please bop me on the head with this hammer

when I forget to use the items in my kit. It will not hurt (as gentle reminders don’t) but it will certainly get my attention. Again, this is my measure but other servant leaders are welcome to use it for their humility check ;)

Focus on the Heart

My God is a sneaky one. There are times when I’m so pre-occupied with a million and one tasks I forget that one thing He has called me to do – write. You know what He does? He sends me experiences so moving that my insides will burst like popcorn if I don’t write about them. The incidents range from the spiritually sublime to the downright infuriating.

This week, He did it again. He prodded me to write Guideline #2 for my “Manual for Servant Leaders Who Insanely Love to Serve God Despite Harassments and Frustrations” (working title). I’m kidding. Scrap the word “prodded”. "Tasered" describes the experience better. The struggle to keep the peace and my cool, to continue loving my siblings in Christ and at the same time nurture those the Lord has given me to shepherd was so unnerving I couldn’t sleep for two nights.

Upon reflection, the Lord once again impressed on me that He allows these things to happen for a reason. The fruit of this experience was a rich harvest of lessons learned. And so I have Guideline #2: Focus on the heart of the servant. When a servant leader is faced with what he or she perceives to be imperfections – even in other ministry’s affairs – (be it a wrong color, sub-standard design, conflicting schedules, erroneous sentence construction, noise, mess, character flaws, etc., etc.) look to the heart of the servant. If there is goodness of intention, zeal and passion to serve present there then everything else becomes a minor, minor thing.

Yes, correction is needed if there is cause. From the book “The Way of the Shepherd”, a gift from a loving sister in my community, I read pain must sometimes be inflicted (perhaps in the form of “reprimands or poor performance reviews”). In Chapter 3, “Help Your Sheep Identify With You”, the story was told about a ewe whose ear had to be tagged to identify it as belonging to a flock. The shepherd had to hold the ewe tight to tag it. Later, the shepherd held the ewe again but this time to comfort it. Both times, the sheep was held close – the “first to cause pain” and the next “to offer encouragement”. The lesson given was “for great leaders, leadership isn’t just professional; it’s personal.”

Taking that lesson out of the corporate world and applying it to community service, I will rephrase that as: for servant leaders, leadership is less professional; it’s more personal. I remember this line from a mass song: “I will hold Your people in my heart.”

Another thought flashed in my head as I prayed about the situation: focus on the heart of the servant to keep it from being broken irreparably. Handle it carefully like fragile china. Undue criticism could after all dampen the spirit of a volunteer. Let me stress this vital point: community servants are volunteers. Their only compensation is love.

The calm slowly creeping inside me as I write this is proof positive that the Lord tasered me just to get this guideline recorded. And so I pray that the next guideline He sends will descend upon me from a serene cloud of wisdom. My servant leader’s heart is fragile too.

Delegate Work, Cascade Love

“Whoever believes in me believes not only in me but also in the one who sent me, and whoever sees me sees the one who sent me.” – John 12:44-45

A degree in management, a corporate background and masters in business develop a certain mindset for running an organization or a team. It is structured and disciplined. The head gives the directives which the subordinate is mandated to follow. There are of course different management styles – autocratic, democratic, paternalistic and a couple of other “-atics”. But the underlying idea is “You don’t like the way we run things, you may apply with the company in the next building.”

So it becomes quite a shock to the system when a corporate person gets into running the Lord’s business. You are no longer the boss, you are a servant leader. The people under you can’t be fired when they don’t do the job. They must be loved and nurtured into service.

For two years now, I’ve been serving as Ministry Head for the Feast Alabang and I’m fascinated with the art of managing fellow servants. A distant star in my canopy of dreams is to write a manual about this topic. I’m taking my first step by writing down this reflection:

In the May 18, 2011 Companion, the intro to the First Reading said: “We see in the ministry of Paul that he works closely with a very limited number of collaborators…his key collaborators or missioners are few…Perhaps simplicity is essential to the successful proclamation of the Gospel.” In management, the collaborators would be assistants or deputies. I’m reminded of my Feast Alabang Media Ministry (or what my members and I lovingly call our FAMMily) and the team heads I’ve appointed. The message for me here is to keep that simple structure and delegate to the team heads.

But since we are missioners sent by Jesus to spread His word, work is not the only thing we have to pass on. His love must also be seen in the way we deal with our fellow servants. As one of my favorite lines go, “our lives may be the only Bible other people will read.” Love then is essential in this type of management style. Bonds must also be strengthened among the members so that work in the Lord’s vineyard will be a joy to do. It’s such a simple principle but many times in the stresses of service, it has been forgotten.

Guideline #1 for my manual is Delegate Work, Cascade Love. I’m looking for more. Insights are welcome :)

Lucky Me

“Do not work for food that perishes but for the food that endures for eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you.” – John 6:27

“Walang suwerte (unlucky)”. This was a balikbayan uncle’s recent label for me. He was probably moved with pity in what he perceived to be my lot in life. I was widowed at a very young age. My newfound career is in its infancy so I’m obviously not rolling in money (yet). Status. Career. Wealth. These were his parameters for a charmed life. In his world, the “lucky” ones were his nieces on my aunt’s side of the family. A lucky niece (very much like Cinderella) married into one of the richest families in the country, has successful businesses and is insanely wealthy. There are other nieces gainfully employed in airline or realty companies and who enjoy good salary and great benefits. He seemed perplexed that I don’t go to the office and barely comprehended that my work was online. No wonder he branded me “unlucky”.

Years ago I would probably have agreed with him and proceeded to indulge in a bout of self-pity. But even I was surprised with my quick rejoinder, “Oh no, I’m actually very lucky. I’m super blessed!” I guess my mindset changed after being in community for 8 years and actively serving in Feast Alabang for close to 2 years. The teachings I have received in all that time has changed my perception of luck. I have learned to appreciate the blessings that I enjoy: children, parents, a serene family life, loving and supportive friends in community, doing work that I love and am good at, a comfortable home, abundant provisions, good health and many more that I don’t have the time to list here. In the current Feast series, Seasons, we were taught that Spring is a time to plant and we should not envy others who may already be in other seasons in their life. My harvest is still coming. So in my world, I consider myself lucky.

Above all these is the fact that I am living a life close to God. Hey, I’m still a work in progress so I’m far from perfect but the lucky thing is that my construction is in the hands of THE Master Planner. Another thing I learned is we need to plant ourselves close to the stream or the Blesser. I actually felt sad for my uncle because in our conversation I realized that he does not actively seek God. Lucky me, I’m working for the one who blesses me and for food that endures for eternal life.

I Am…Blessed

Fatima Soriano's laughter tinkled like the chimes in my lanai stirred by a gentle breeze of hope. Her joy resonated at the slightest hint of humor or an "alleluia" moment. How could she exude so much joy when she wouldn't be able to do as other soon-to-be debutantes like her would? She wouldn't be able to marvel at the colors of her gown, behold a frothy birthday cake or pirouette at her cotillion. She is blind and had endured end stage renal disease with its attendant 5-a-day dialysis. But there she was - a charming bundle of serenity though afflicted with a condition that would make many people bitter. (I felt shame as I remember the many times I've complained over lesser things.) Even the fact that she couldn't accept the corneas of AJ Perez did not dampen her spirit (it was retinas she needed you see). She also graciously posed for pictures with fans even if she was already tired from praying over the sick and the troubled.

And the girl could sing. Multiply her about a dozen or so times and one can imagine what a choir of angels would sound like. Our guest speaker, Fr. Jerry Orbos, brought Fatima with him on Black Saturday, Day 3 of I Am…Jesus, the Way, the Truth and the Life, Feast Alabang's Lenten Recollection. Listening to her was a privilege. Serving as her and Fr. Jerry's PA (program assistant, personal assistant or parang alalay ) was a blessing.

Being their PA was as much of a privilege as being one of the emcees on Holy Thursday. That was a blessing too - I did not fall, trip, faint, embarrass myself or even get the jitters in front of a crowd of more than 1,500 that filled the San Beda Alabang Chapel to overflowing. Our pre-event anointing and the prayers of our Intercessory Ministry must've been so powerful, my co-host, Israel, and I survived unscathed. Day 1 of the recollection also blessed us with deep reflections sandwiched between slices of hilarity given by our Feast builder, Arun Gogna, and Fr. Erick Santos.

I regret that I missed Day 2 of the recollection on Good Friday with Kerygma preacher Jon Escoto and Fr. Jade Licuanan. But I did not want to break a family tradition that we've practiced for 25 years - Visita Iglesia. It was a blessing to tick off another year. The ritual started with just my late husband and me when I was heavy with our first child. Then our babies in strollers, their yayas and my parents joined us. The tradition remained anchored amidst waves of change - the loss of my husband, the yayas gone with the wind and my sons going from toddlers running around the Stations of the Cross to young boys leading the prayers to grown-ups driving for us to 7 churches.

I ended the Lenten season with a rousing Easter Sunday together with my Light of Jesus (LOJ) Family. All the Feasts in Metro Manila and neighboring provinces gathered for "Full Life", LOJ's Grand Easter Celebration in SMX. Bo Sanchez declared, "You will not stay in Good Friday forever. Sunday is coming!" That, I claim, as I feel I am already experiencing Saturday with the many blessings knocking at my door. They just need to step in so I can proclaim, "Sunday is here!"

Love Duplicated

The email moved me. It was an appeal to help a brother from another Feast with his expenses for a kidney transplant. He dropped by our center once as he just came from his dialysis nearby. He was a pleasant man and his condition saddened me. I wanted so much to help. I marked the email “unread” so I won’t forget and mentally set aside an amount to give.

Another message came into my inbox. This time it was a request for prayers for one of my ministry member’s father. He needed an emergency operation. Aside from offering prayers I also felt God’s prodding to help in a more practical way. All I had left in my budget for love offering was the amount I already earmarked for the first appeal. I planned to half it so I can give both but felt that was too paltry to make a difference. I decided to give it all to my member. She was closer to my heart.

While singing with the choir that Sunday, I espied the brother needing the transplant among the attendees. My heart bled. I had no more to give. I offered a silent prayer for him and lifted my wish to the Lord to grant me the ability to help. As we sang during worship, the Lord impressed on me to go ahead and give what I had planned anyway. I had the money stashed in my wallet marked with a mental note: “For extreme emergency only. Burn in hell if you use this for frivolities.” That was what I decided to donate.

Soon after, I received two dividend checks and a small windfall from my balikbayan uncle. Ten percent of these blessings was exactly the amount of my emergency stash that I donated. The Lord duplicated my love offering like the loaves and fishes. He granted my wish to be able to love more people in practical ways.

A Stroll in a Prayer Garden

The road snaked – a couple of turns too many for my comfort. Panic mode. I left my motion sickness pills at home. I didn't know I’d need them. Nobody said anything about a zigzag to Infanta, Quezon. The driver said there are actually two sets of zigzags. I’m doomed.

I whipped out my quantum necklace at my cousin Belle’s prodding. This better work or I’m returning it. I pressed it to my wrist right above the pulse. That’s supposed to be the acupressure point to combat motion sickness. What do you know, it worked! Whether it was the necklace or the acupressure that held the dizziness at bay, I didn’t care. All I cared about was being able to enjoy the scenery in the town of Real where the seashore hugged the road like a besotted lover. The road and the beach lay side by side for quite a stretch giving us a panoramic view of waves crashing on sand.

The way to my aunt’s Pag-ibig Prayer Garden is like life’s journey. There are many twists and turns. You find relief when it straightens up only to find another set of trials that turn your stomach inside out. Then you reach the end. It’s heaven – there is peace, there is serenity, there is beauty that gives a comforting embrace.

At the Prayer Garden, our Lord welcomed us to the “Upper Room” where he sat alone at the table. Untypical of the Last Supper, this one invites twelve “apostles” to sit with Him. Guests become part of the picture instead of just being on the outside looking in on the first Eucharist. One can even take a nap on the Lord’s lap after a meal – like a child on a parent’s knee.

And I needed that nap. The meal was sumptuous with freshly caught crabs, prawns and giant talakitok. Belle & I even got an after dessert treat – the chance to once again taste katmon, a tart fruit from our childhood found only in Quezon (I think).

Later, we strolled around the garden and merged into biblical and other saintly scenes:

Slept with the apostles as Jesus prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane;

Stood as our Lord’s ninang at His baptism in the Jordan;

Sat with Mary as she watched Joseph and Jesus at play;

Read with St. Clare as she reviews her Rule of Life, the first monastic rule reputed to be the first written by a woman;

Marveled at St. Peter’s attempt to walk with Jesus on water.

The Prayer Garden not only soothes and refreshes ones faith, it also inspires reflection.

Hope Afloat

Walking on water.

Strong wind swirls waves. Faith submerges.

His hand a lifeline.

My Lord calms the raging storm,

washes away regret. Hope.

A Time of Refreshing

“We have a meeting tonight.” Sigh. “There’s a new assignment for Media Ministry.” Whimper. “Sis, can you help with this project?” Groan. Much as I love serving at the Feast Alabang I still felt the early warning signs of service fatigue like a tsunami alert.

But you know that passage in the Bible that says the Lord cannot be out-given? Once again this truth manifested in a wonderful way when I went to Baguio last week.

I was hesitant to join the trip. Reason # 1: the added expense. (Remember me, the obsessive-compulsive budgeter?) Reason # 2: our numbers dwindled as Mar. 17 approached. How much fun can it be with just a handful joining Bro Arun and his family for his Lenten Recollection talks? Reason # 3: our car is in the province. A taxi would be my ride from our drop-off point. Not a nice scenario when I reviewed my shopping list.

With no graceful way to back out, I had to go. Besides, it’s been 22 (or is it 23?) years since I went up to the City of Pines. My husband was still alive, my sons were still toddlers and Hyatt Terraces was still the place to stay. And my last criteria for going on trips with zigzags, boat or plane rides was met. My motion sickness pills that I can only get from the U.S. have not expired.

Going was an inspired decision. Wave after wave of blessings engulfed our trip. I only have one word to describe it – perfect. There’s no other word fit for this gift from God.

Perfect, because our reduced number allowed us to fit into one van. Travelling together was more fun. There was also no hassle coordinating different vehicles. Most of all, it was a chance to bond with people I usually see only during service and community activities. It was a road trip punctuated with lots of laughter – funny catch phrases like “Bente pesos!” from our UKay queen and threats to provide me with a catheter the next time we travel. The last issue made hair-raising by suspected ghostly encounters in the Recoletos’ toilet.

Perfect, because of the generous hearts that treated us to dinner on both nights (Don Henrico's & Rose Bowl) and a sumptuous buffet breakfast at Baguio Country Club. We were like overstuffed sausages ready to burst but we just had to try everything. Several blueberry Danish pastries had my name on them and I couldn’t resist their sinful temptation.

Perfect, because it was not just a pleasure trip but also a chance to serve in ways we don’t normally do at the Feast Alabang. Chris and Mandy danced during Bro Arun’s talk in front of a host of strangers. Something they only do with family and friends. Lallaine, Cora, Lani, Josie and I were salesgirls at the book table. We prayed that almost all the books and CDs will be sold to have space for the jams, peanut brittle, brooms, vegetables and my favorite succulent strawberries that we can’t leave Baguio without. God answered that prayer. The book table was mobbed.

We all felt the same way – it was a blessings-filled trip. And the fun didn’t stop in Baguio. Lunch at Isdaan in Gerona, Tarlac was wacky with crazy poses and serenades by the Salbabida Boys and the Cumbancheros. The second group sent us into stitches with their version of “ABC” and “Ten Litter Indians” for Helene and Yohan.

There was more blessings overflow. My total expenses fell way below my budget. IC, Chris & Lani’s son, saved me from lugging all my extra baggage by giving me a lift home. To top it all, my team heads and members stepped in and ably steered the Media Ministry in my absence.

Perfect trip. Abundant blessings. It was a time of refreshing for a tired soul. I’m now “Happy to serve” (clap, clap) again. Not just in my beloved Feast Alabang but also in Feast Vietnam and Feast Bohol. Wink.

Building a Team, Building a FAMMily

Scene 1:

Gaily colored blindfolds. My team got pink ones – my favorite. With hands on the shoulder of the person in front, they followed me. Hold on, three got left behind. I ran back to get them.

Nine other teams like us gingerly navigated the grounds of the Metrogate Silang club house like caterpillars. At each stop, we were timed for the activity:

Scrounge for objects to put under given letters. Stop that ant – it goes under letter A.

Fill a pail using water bottles peppered with holes. Get drenched in the process.

Crawl like snakes in the grass through a minefield – this while blindfolded and just listening for directions. (It’s bad enough that I’m like one of our former presidents who jokesters say had to wear a wristband to tell his left from his right. I also had to direct my team members in mirror image – right, ay your left pala.)

Step on only 4 soft drink crates – all 7 to 8 different-sized members at the same time – to get to the finish line. Whew, our team made it in one go with planning and coordination.

The last blindfolded activity in the afternoon elicited screams and laughter. We even broke out in song – “Abundance of Rain” – when we heard water splashing nearby (we are with the Music Ministry after all). The swaying bridge encouraged tighter grips and more noise. Being a team leader in the morning and groping blindfolded in the afternoon gave me a different perspective. A follower this time, my instinct was still to find a way to keep the group intact. “I felt a hand rail. Grab it!” I tipped my friends as the bridge began to swing. This, I realized, is what team heads really do – lead and also follow.

“Trust your leader,” we were told. That’s the essence of the whole activity. For as we removed our blindfolds, we found out it was our Feast Builder who led us safely over the bridge.

Scene 2:

FAMMily (Feast Alabang Media Ministry family) members made it to the meeting place on time. The threat that the last ones to arrive will foot the bill for lunch motivated everybody. Violet withdrew her 100-egg offering to St. Claire and so there was rain. Scrap the zip line in Picnic Grove. Mike I. didn’t feel like doing that while holding an umbrella. Instead, the umbrellas were used in Tierra de Maria for photos under the rain.

But we were still blessed. The rain stopped as we rummaged for “treasures” in the ukay-ukay. We got great photos in Sonya’s Garden (with shots of my dream house – thanks to Osy, Mike T. & Jeps) and Caleruega after our lunch in Mahogany Market.

Where to hold our meeting? We thought the dimly-lit dining area in Caleruega was a blessing but we were politely told this was for retreatants only. The real blessing was the roof top which we had almost to ourselves. There was a cabana with a table and chairs, a curtain of light blue flowers over the walkway, a refreshing breeze, outdoor lighting and a great view. And then there’s my personal blessing: a great ministry – team heads and members – who not only give their best but are so much fun to be with.

Anticipated mass was in the foggy courtyard of the Little Souls Convent. Hugs kept each other warm. Dinner was a prelude to a ministry caring group – shared dreams and shared joy for a member’s answered prayer.

These are scenes from dawn to dusk of my past two Saturdays: the first from the Feast Alabang Events Pillar team building, the second from the Media Ministry meeting in Tagaytay. Both were relationship bridges. Bonds tightened. Friendships nourished. A team and a family strengthened.

5:00 a.m. Blessings and an Answered Prayer

Five o'clock. My alarm blares the hour. Snooze. I snuggle under my warm comforter on this chilly morning. After 9 minutes, it clamors for attention again. Another snooze, another snuggle, another buzz. Repeat cycle.

Then I bolt up for mommy duty. Boil the rice. Swish the eggs. Drop the bacon and tomatoes in the pan. Omelet for breakfast done. I can hear my elder son coming down the stairs. Quick, fry the fish fillet. Wait, it needs oyster sauce. Dice bell pepper in a flash. Lunch for baon done just as he finished breakfast. Kiss and bless Son #1 good-bye.

Repeat fish fillet procedure for Son # 2's lunch. (I could have done this in one batch but Son # 1 will be delayed). While fish is frying, thaw hotdogs. Pop breakfast into my mouth as I grab ingredients for his sandwich. Snacks done. This should keep him till his late dinner.

I'm searching for a word a level higher than hectic to describe my mornings for the past week. I guess frenzied will have to do. But amidst all this, I was praising God for my blessings.

First, we are blessed with food to cook. Other people sleep to forget hunger.

Second, I have a sister-in-law whose daughter died in her teens. I know she would give the world to be in my apron preparing her daughter's baon. I am blessed with hungry sons to feed.

Third, all that food I prepared is for my sons who have both entered the work force. Yes, both of them because last week God completely answered Dream # 2 in my Novena to God's Love.

Dream # 2.a is for the whole family (my parents, the other son and me) to attend both of my sons' graduations. My Papa almost didn't make it last Saturday because he had a board meeting in our province. He chose to be present at my younger son's graduation. At my elder son's graduation last year, my parents had no tickets but got in anyway. We were all present on both occasions. And, of course, the big thing here is that both my sons are now college graduates.

Dream # 2.b is for my sons to find well-paying jobs after college. A few days before he marched to get his diploma, my younger son was hired to do free-lance work on a film bound for Cannes.

"Well-paying" is still on the way that's why the packed lunch and snacks and my frenzied mornings. But I'm claiming that answered prayer for my sons already.

As I send off Son #2 with a kiss and a blessing, I thank God for His graces that fired up my new day.