My Best Christmas Gifts

I remember that advertisement where the song slows down to a drone as if the cassette player was losing power. That’s exactly how I felt the last few days before Christmas – “Tis the season to be jolly, fa la la la…la…la….la…..la……la” with the last few “las” sung in the Bass 2 range before fade out.

It wasn’t a jolly time at all with my fever, clogged nose and a cough that rivaled our neighbor’s yapping dog. I only felt fit enough to go shopping for my family’s Christmas gifts on the morning of the 24th. I thank God for the hypermart right outside our village gates. They had everything in my list. It also helped that I already knew what my family wanted or needed. Come Christmas Eve, they were pretty happy with what they got.

As for me, in spite of feeling awful because I was sick, it was a happy and blessed Christmas. I got the nicest gifts from my sons.

A few months ago, I had the same illness and I felt miserable. Not only was I sick, I couldn’t be sick. We had no house help so I was cooking and cleaning through my illness. My elder son was down in the dumps – he had a little of the bug I had plus he had no job. Sick and sad, he only managed to buy me my medicine. The younger one was struggling through his thesis. No help there either.

This time, my elder son was solicitous. He made me lie down when he found out I had fever. He brought me dinner and my medicine. Also set his phone alarm for the time I had to drink medicine again. Such bliss to be cared for when one is sick. TLC was my best Christmas gift number one.

Because he is now employed, he had gifts for the whole family. A shirt for his younger brother, a cap for Papa and a cookbook for Mama. And I got what I had been longing for – a Harry Potter CD (yes, my taste is juvenile). My collection is almost complete. Best Christmas gift number two.

My younger son didn’t have a material gift for us but what we got from him was thrilling and heartwarming. His award-winning thesis was shown on Knowledge Channel on Christmas day. The whole family was so proud to actually watch his work on TV. When the credits were rolling at the end, we got our Christmas gift from him. It said SPECIAL THANKS TO: me, his brother and my parents.

He is not an expressive person. You can only guess at what he feels. But that acknowledgment expressed the love that he doesn’t say out loud. It was my best Christmas gift number three.

I praise God for the paradox of Christmas. We celebrate our Lord’s birthday and yet He is the one who showers us with such wonderful gifts.

Black Sock, White Sock: A Family Christmas Guide

Picture a black sock and a white sock. This is my new Christmas icon. A reminder of what a family Christmas should be all about. I’m not talking about the socks that you hang on the wall for Santa to fill with Christmas treats. This was a totally mismatched pair that my son wore to mass last night.

I had come from an exhausting day of serving in my community. It was at the end of a totally tiring two weeks of frenzied activity. Interview for an article, beat writing deadlines, put together a bulletin, practice with the choir, multi-task for a concert (emcee, usher/bouncer, waitress), co-direct an energetic presentation and dance as well, co-lead the worship for our Christmas party. Sandwich into that: wrap my son’s and father’s gifts for their colleagues, cook some meals and do what little household chores I could manage. I was actually huffing and puffing while changing my sons’ bed linens when he walked in to show me his socks.

I haven’t had time to keep the newly laundered clothes and he didn’t know where to find them. So he went to church with one black sock and one white sock. Seeing his mismatched pair made me realize that I had spent too much time on work and community service. It’s a few days before Christmas and I’m not ready. I haven’t bought a single gift for my family. I haven’t attended a single Misa de Gallo. My family and my Lord, whose birth is about to be celebrated have been sidelined.

The image of my son’s mismatched socks made me stop and think. How can a family spend a meaningful Christmas in the midst of all the frenzy?

Put Christ in the center of your celebration and preparation

We know that Jesus’ birth is what it’s all about but every year the story repeats itself. We spend all our non-work time buying gifts, preparing for parties, practicing for presentations and a thousand and one other things we “must” do. Oh, a lot do make it to the dawn masses but do they really all go for the right reason. Young people go to see and be seen by their crushes, spend time with friends and significant others. Older ones aim to finish the nine days to get wishes granted. I hope many go the dawn masses as a sacrifice for the One who sacrificed His life, as a purification of their souls before the big day arrives. As for the gifts we give, let us focus more on giving gifts of love and kindness more than the material things we buy. .

Set aside family time

I have very close friends, a couple who belong to my community that I look up to because of the time they give to their family. At the end of each year, they set aside about three days for a family retreat. They go out of town to be far away from all the distractions. It may be to a faraway place or just someplace near like Tagaytay. But wherever it is, that time is sacred. No one can make them postpone, re-schedule and definitely not cancel their plans. Their celebration of Christmas is made more special because of this family time.

Watch your health

As I write this I’m running a 38.2 ° fever. All those late night practices (dance and choir) for the Christmas party have taken its toll. I have not been able to squeeze in time to go to the gym. All those dance moves did make me lose a few pounds but it also lowered my resistance. It’s important to maintain your health this season not just for yourself but for your family. Time spent recuperating is also time away from family activities.

Shepherd your finances

‘Tis the season for bonuses. We can get giddy with the extra cash and splurge on gifts and things we’ve been longing to buy for ourselves. But as a family person, it’s important to be very conscious about expenses. You may spend a joyful Christmas with all the material things but come bills payment time run short on funds for the important things – tuition, utilities, other basic necessities for instance. I know a couple who had a big fight after Christmas because the wife did not set aside money to pay their loans. Keep peace in the family by keeping a budget. And don’t forget that part of shepherding your resources is giving back a portion of your bounty to the Lord.

It’s about time

What this all boils down to is priorities. It’s about allocating time for the more important things this season – the Lord and your family. For years I have been planning to do my Christmas shopping in September. Come crush time, I would have the gifts out of the way and concentrate on the more important things. But that’s easier said than done unless I really put my mind to it. Next year, I vow to have a big red mark on Sept. 1 saying: “It’s now or never.” I will also put another mark on Feb. 1 that says: “Saving for Christmas gifts starts now.” Why February? Because with my messed up schedule this year, I’ll probably still be buying Christmas gifts in January.

A Blessed Christmas everyone! I’m off to salvage the rest of the Christmas season.

A Personal Worship

It was casually mentioned on our way home from the Kerygma Conference last Sunday that Belle, Josie and I were going to lead the worship for our Feast Alabang Servants’ Christmas party. I thought it was a big joke. “Hmmm,” I said to myself, “Cercado Sisters* minus 1, tander version. "Tander as in matanda, get it? Better yet, translate that to the more politically correct term – “mature”.

Although being a worship leader has been flitting around the fringes of my dreams, it was not something that really called me with a passion. Unlike Niko, our youngest worship leader, who clearly heard God’s promise that he will lead worship in the Feast, there was not even a whisper to me.

Besides, I was afraid I wouldn’t be porous enough for the Spirit to fill me. I have observed the really good worship leaders to be so soaked in the Holy Spirit that it just radiates from them to the whole congregation. As for me, I can be hard-hearted and hard-headed at times.

Then I remembered the prayer I say before I write anything – for my blog or for Didache or for Halo-Halong Hālo: “Lord, let me be a straw through which your blessings or message will flow to the people who need it today.” A straw is not porous. It just needs an entry and an exit point. My entry point is my mind which God enlightens and fills with wisdom. My exit points are my hands that write. All I do is open myself up for the Holy Spirit to use me as a channel – hard head and hard heart pushed to the sides to clear the flow.

That worship leader thing was just the joke that I thought it was after all. An idea miscommunicated along the way. But God woke me up at 5:00 a.m. that following Monday (it’s a holiday, Lord!!!) prodding me to write my worship. So here’s a writer’s personal worship – written not spoken, read not heard:

To end this year, I want to praise and thank God for the many blessings He has given me, my family and my Feast Alabang family.

When I started serving at the South Feast, my life was going nowhere. You know that saying, “When God closes a door, He opens a window”? I could not relate. My prayers were unanswered for so many years. I felt that after all the doors closed there was very little light coming in – only slivers of light from under a closed door or a glow at the very far end of a tunnel.

But I kept serving through harassments and financially lean times. When I was asked to join the igive.club, I jokingly said to Becky, “Pwede ba recibo na lang ng gastos ko sa Feast ang ilagay sa envelop?” (“Can I put receipts for expenses I incurred for the Feast inside the envelop instead?")

But God is a God who cannot be out-given. This year He has thrown open many doors and windows all at the same time:

This year my elder son graduated from college and got a job.

This year my younger son’s thesis won multiple awards (yup, he just won another award for his category in Animahenasyon, the Philippine Animation Festival, and was even in contention for the grand prize).

This year my father survived a medical emergency. This year both my parents celebrated their 80th birthdays.

This year my calling as a writer began to bear fruit: I now have a blog, My B.A.G. of Miracles. I was named feature editor of the magazine I write for, I became a Didache writer. And just last month, I was also asked to write for Kerygma Magazine. As a matter of fact, the January 2011 issue features an article I wrote.

This year the Feast Alabang Center was built blessing around 1,400 people each week. We have our own place. A place we call home.

This year the number of servants grew from the twenty-four that started South Feast to almost two hundred. We now know more people to love and to be loved by.

I, personally, and we as the Feast Alabang family have many, many things to thank God for. No one deserves all our praises more than You, Jesus. Lord, receive the honor that You’re due. Receive my offering of worship.

The sun cannot compare

To the glory of Your love

There is no shadow in Your presence

No mortal man would dare

To stand before Your throne

Before the Holy One of heaven

It's only by Your blood

And it's only through Your mercy

Lord I come

I bring an offering of worship to my King

No one on earth deserves the praises that I sing

Jesus may You receive the honor that You're due

O Lord I bring an offering to You

O Lord I bring an offering to You

– Offering , Paul Baloche

To my fellow servants, I exhort you to pursue your dreams. But keep serving the Lord and see the surprises He has in store for you because He is a loving, wonderful God. He is magnificent and glorious.

Who compares to You?

Who set the stars in their place?

You who calmed the raging seas

That came crashing over me

Who compares to You?

You who bring the morning light

The hope of all the earth

Is rest assured in Your great love

When the evening fades

You call forth songs of joy

As the morning wakes

We Your children give You praise

You are magnificent, eternally

Wonderful, glorious, Jesus

No one ever will compare to You Jesus

– Magnificent, Hillsong

You O Lord are truly wonderful and glorious and you deserve all the praises because You are our king, You are our savior, You are Emmanuel, You are God who is with us. And we praise you and we glorify you.

Here I am, I've come to thank You

Here I am, a life You've changed

Because You gave Your life for me, You were crucified for me

How can I do anything but praise, I praise

You, You are God, You are Lord

You are all I'm living for

You are King of everything

I want my life to praise You

You are God, You are Lord

You are all I'm living for

You are King of everything

I want my life to praise You

– You, You are God

Thank you for this year Lord and thank you for the avalanche of blessings that are coming next year. I worship you my God.

*The Cercado Sisters are talented young women who won 16 gold medals in the 10th World Championship of Performing Arts in 2006. The sisters shared their touching story and talent at the recently concluded Kerygma Conference. If I’m not mistaken they serve with the Feast Quezon City.

Blissful Birthday

For two years I had been planning a “spa-mper me” birthday – a relaxing time of pampering at the spa. A whole day spent in quiet solitude getting beauty treatments I normally don’t have the time or the budget for. I dreamed of going to the Fitness First Spa as it looked so luxuriously inviting every time I passed by to go to the gym.

But for two years, something always came up to derail my plans. In 2008, I mapped out my day: mass, gym, lunch with my singles Caring Group (CG), the rest of the day at the spa (it was a school day so our family dinner had to wait for the weekend). I got as far as the lunch. Then I was called for an urgent business meeting to plan the launch of our website, Proudly Filipina.com. No time to have even a single nail polished.

2009 rolled in and I planned again: gym, merienda with singles CG, spa, mass (solo – I was trying to wean my parents away from the idea that I still needed adult supervision), semi-surprise dinner party hosted by the Feast Council and other community friends. Still a school day – calendared family celebration for the weekend.

Everything went according to plan except for the spa. The day was too packed with activities. I had very little time for pampering myself. Aside from that, I made the wrong decision to look for a spa in ritzy Alabang Town Center. The price range was horrific. I just had my nails done. I did get my spa though sometime during the month. Naty gave me a gift certificate for The Spa. But it wasn’t my birthday anymore when I finally got my massage.

This year, I gave up on the planning. I still hoped to spend the day at the spa but I left everything in God’s hands. My day was clear but you never know. We already had a joint celebration (for Rollie and me) with my mother CG last Wednesday. That’s one item down. I started the day preparing breakfast and my working son’s packed lunch. Then mass with my still-not-weaned parents. Spent time on the phone with a dear friend in need of a friendly ear. Worked on the Feast Alabang bulletin layout. I had an early lunch so I can free the whole afternoon.

And there they were – several hours gloriously free – lines in my planner just aching for the word “spa” to be written on them. I escaped to the new SM Center right outside our village. First, I went to the parlor to get my hair colored. Then with shiny, blow dried hair that swung with my every step I sashayed over to the spa for that much longed-for facial and massage. It was bliss!

As if it was planned, my “spa-mpering” session ended right on time for our family dinner. We had a pleasant, relaxed time getting acquainted with Mediterranean cuisine. More bliss, especially when my sons surprised me with a gift I had been wanting for quite a while – a purple yoga mat.

Like clockwork, dinner was over in time for me to make it to my last appointment, our community mass for Naty’s dearly departed brother. I got there right when they were serving dinner. Naty loves to cook and she prepared quite a spread. Everyone had a laugh when I invited them to partake of the food like I was hosting a birthday party. Although it was a sad occasion, joy filled me because I was surrounded by my community, by people who love and support each other in good times and in bad.

It didn’t end there though. There were more treats. The next day, I spent the afternoon with graduate school friends. At our Media Ministry meeting that spilled over to Music Ministry practice that evening, I was surrounded with more loving co-servants. My Media Ministry members even prepared an audio-visual presentation for me.

Oh, did I tell you that I got a call this morning from the Fitness First Spa? They’re giving me a certificate for a free massage in honor of my birthday.

After two years I finally got my “spa-mper me” birthday and more. What was different with this year? I let God do the planning. I just went along for the ride. And what a blissful ride it was.

A Happy Servant’s Heart

Last week was hectic with a capital H, no make that all caps. Tuesday the Media Ministry had a photo shoot for the Caring Groups launch AVP (audio-visual presentation). Wednesday we had Admin/Finance meeting. Thursday was our first choir practice for Kerygma Conference (KCon) 2010. On Friday, Belle and I spent almost 4 hours on the road to get to the KCon coordinators’ meeting in the distant land of Cubao. Saturday was the Caring Group Heads Workshop. Of course, Sunday is Feast Alabang day. Inserted into my week were the regulars – the bulletin and the website. Thank God that before all that, I had Monday, my rest day. I was able to store up mental and physical energy to weather the week.

As the whole week was highlighted by service to my community, the workshop on Saturday was a fitting recap. I did not volunteer as CG head (the litany above should give you an idea why not). So what was I doing there? Ministry heads were also asked to attend. After all, I also handle a group which becomes a quasi-CG. So attend, I did. And I came away with many lessons on how to lead with love and care – “love strategies” they were called.

But it was at the anointing at the end of the workshop that my servant’s heart got a thorough work out. We were told that there will be washing of the feet. It even has the added feature of kissing the feet. Like Peter, I cringed at the thought. Horrors, my last foot spa was months ago! Did I even scrub off the dead skin on my toesies when I bathed this morning?

At the back of the center, Naty, Josie and I plotted on how we can get out of it. But just to make sure, Josie sprayed our feet with her cologne. I wanted to slather mine with the yummy smelling Bath & Body Works hand sanitizer my god-daughter, Angeli, gave me. But I left my bag in the office and had no time to get it. So I sought refuge in the Music Ministry. I thought we were safe. There were only four of us in the choir and Melanie, our Training Ministry head, had given up trying to make us sit with the participants. Even Bro Hermie, head of all South Feasts, seemed to accept that we couldn’t join the activity and anointed us as we sang. While singing I was conflicted, torn between the call to obey and vanity. I made a deal with the Lord that I will just sing my heart out in service.

But, no deal. Our well-laid plans collapsed when the other Music Ministers who had their feet washed already joined the choir. Bro Hermie signaled the four hold-outs (the original plotters plus Belle) to sit and get our feet washed. Since we had learned earlier that one of the characteristics of a servant-leader is obedience, we followed meek as lambs.

After my foot got washed and kissed (while fervently hoping Josie’s cologne still lingered on that particular appendage), I knelt for the anointing. I thought I was the last and that Ed was just kidding when he said I have to wash his feet so I hopped up to re-join the choir. But Bro Hermie called me back to wash his feet. (Picture me like a cartoon character stopping in mid-stride.) Down on my knees I went, recited the prayer, washed his foot and dried it with a wad of tissue as he instructed and bent for the obligatory kiss. When I got up, I saw Cora snickering. She had gotten wind of our escape plans earlier and was so amused that we failed. She said later that touched by the ritual, she was on the verge of tears. But when she saw me collared by our top leader no less, her tears made a detour and she dissolved into fits of laughter instead.

So who ever said that it is only in solemnity that a heart is moved to servanthood? The laughter, the humor, the joy fuels the passion to serve. It’s funny moments like these that keep my servant’s heart humming. After all, “joyful” is another characteristic of a servant-leader.

The Agony and the Award

It seemed like his thesis was taking forever to finish. What should have been finished in one term stretched to two. I thought by the second term we could breathe easy and he will be graduating. But by thesis defense time he needed two more weeks to finish. Just two weeks! And he has to enroll for a third term! I can feel the sympathetic, collective chill of all parents out there with the words “additional tuition”.

It wasn’t because my younger son was bumming around that’s why he couldn’t finish on time. The fact was he had spent many sleepless nights in those two terms and two weeks trying to perfect his thesis. His sleeping habits have been so altered I’d tease him he can now work in a call center – work at night, sleep in the day. He had also been experiencing pain in his hand and his back due to non-stop work on the computer.

Towards the end of the second term, I did what no parent should do. In my frustration, I asked him, “Can’t you just submit a not so perfect work so that you can finish this term?” He glared at me. Sometime during his growing up years I must have somehow – unknown to me – taught him the value of hard work and excellence. Or it must be his father’s genes. Or maybe it was because I was constantly pestering my dear departed husband with this line, “Since you’re just floating around up there doing nothing, go ask Jesus to look after your sons.”

I rarely miss going to the Feast ever since we started in Alabang. Not only do I have various duties to perform, I also get my weekly spiritual nourishment there. I’d miss it only to attend once in a lifetime events or very important unavoidable ones. Last Sunday, I just had to miss it for a momentous occasion – my son’s awarding ceremony. His thesis won the bronze for Animation in the 12th TBS (Tokyo Broadcasting System) Digicon 6 Philippine regionals. And his work is now qualified to join the regional awards in Tokyo. He also holds the distinction of being the only student among the top three winners.

Watching him accept his award, I thanked the Lord for this great blessing. I also thanked Him that my son had the good sense not to turn in a below standard thesis just to beat the deadline.

Don Quixote at 80: My Knight in Shining Armor

To dream the impossible dream

To fight the unbeatable foe

To bear with unbearable sorrow

To run where the brave dare not go

“The Impossible Dream” is my father’s favorite song. At home, he will suddenly emulate Pavarotti with a line or two. To my mother’s chagrin, he even does this within earshot of the joggers in the park while they take their daily walk.

Playing the song in my mind and recalling that it is also the favorite of one of our heroes, Ninoy Aquino, I can see why he loves singing it. The soaring notes do not just hone his vocal cords; the lyrics resonate with his life principles.

Removing the negative connotations of the word, I guess “quixotic” aptly describes Papa – idealistic, chivalrous, visionary.

To right the unrightable wrong

To love pure and chaste from afar

To try when your arms are too weary

To reach the unreachable star

Papa has had his share of fighting giants. He is not one to take the safe side. There has always been some noble advocacy he was involved in. Causes like opposing the construction of the power plant in our home town – a looming giant that will harm the environment and the health of the people.

As a lawyer, his fight for justice is part of his profession. But what is not de rigueur in his line of work is the amount of pro bono cases that he has tackled because of his heart for poor people in trouble. In his younger years, he would come home tired from court hearings in the province after spending his own money for the travel. I remember him often lugging a bagful of crabs or a bunch of saba bananas or some other farm produce. These were given in appreciation by his pro bono clients.

In this case, I guess another definition of “quixotic” would apply - “a romantic disregard for money.” There were also instances when he would refuse payment out of principle or because he has not yet achieved the desired results. He may not be filthy rich by the standards of this materialistic world, but he is certainly wealthy in a host of more important things – wisdom, faith, good health out of a life well-lived and the love and respect of the people whose lives he has touched.

This is my quest

To follow that star

No matter how hopeless

No matter how far

To fight for the right

Without question or pause

To be willing to march into Hell

For a heavenly cause

Papa lives on the Word of God. He not only hears it at mass every day, he goes out of his way to bring it to others. One of his friends died recently from a lingering illness – a man estranged from his family because of financial disputes. Before he died, Papa had been patiently ministering to him – visiting him, bringing him goodies, softening him up for a family reconciliation with passages from the bible. In the end, Papa was asked by his family to give the eulogy. And this man wasn’t even a very close friend. But my father is like that. He seems to have a radar for finding wayward souls who need to be reminded about our God who cares. He calls his personal ministry Families for Christ the Marian Way. October is significant to him, not only because it is his birth month but also the month of the rosary. An event that he never misses is the La Naval procession in Sto. Domingo.

This love for the Lord is a legacy that he is passing on to me and to my children. I have never known anybody whose faith is as strong as his. Our family has received so many blessings – material and otherwise – because of his unshakeable faith.

And I know if I'll only be true

To this glorious quest

That my heart will lie peaceful and calm

When I'm laid to my rest

Family is all important to him. He has stayed true to the glorious quest of keeping ours intact by being a loyal husband, a loving father, a supportive grandfather and a good brother. He goes to great lengths to keep us safe and happy. He is our peacemaker – the one who keeps his sense of humor and serenity intact in the midst of any trouble. And it’s not just our immediate family. He is the go-to guy for an assortment of cousins, uncles, aunts, nieces and nephews who get into some trouble or another.

For him, family is not limited to his biological one. It extends to his work place. As the past chairman of Quezon Capital Rural Bank, he is passionate about making this familial quality the bank’s unique identity in the industry.

And the world will be better for this

That one man, scorned and covered with scars

Still strove with his last ounce of courage

To reach the unreachable star

Last week, Papa celebrated a milestone – his 80th birthday – still healthy, energetic, very much in the swing of things and looking forward to his centennial. I praise and thank God for this great blessing of giving me a wonderful father who has made the world a better place and who has taught me that no star is unreachable.

Happy birthday, Papa!

Darkness and Light

We were solemnly invoking the Holy Spirit with a song. It was at the Baptism for the Feast Alabang’s 2nd Jesus Encounter (JE) last Saturday. Suddenly, I was jolted by a loud cry. It came from one of the participants in the second row. From the corner of my eye, I could see her thrashing around. I sensed it was not the Spirit moving in her so I said a silent prayer.

Later, I saw Melanie, who was in charge of the participants in that row, praying over her. More thrashing around. Melanie seemed to be having a hard time getting through to her. Bro Arun Gogna, our Feast builder, came over and helped with the pray over. It was only then that the struggle stopped. She slumped in her seat – draped over it like a carelessly flung garment. Whatever it was had been cast out and left her limp.

Towards the end of the JE, Bro Arun asked some of the participants to share their experience at the baptism in the spirit. She stood up to tell her story. She shared that before coming to the encounter, she felt a dark presence telling her not to go. At the first JE in May, she had planned to attend but was prevented by this darkness. She got physically ill. This time, she wrestled with it and was able to come into the light.

We all experience this battle between darkness and light. Sometimes to a large degree, like this JE participant, whose darkness was like a sinister cloud that enveloped her. At other times, it’s a struggle with our conscience – choosing between right and wrong. Most times, we just have small skirmishes. But our choice in these minor situations can make a difference.

I, for one, had to make a choice that morning. I had planned to go to the gym after serving in the Music Ministry. According to my well laid plan, I will sing at the worship, help distribute the snacks, attend yoga class then go back for the baptism, or not if I was too tired already. But there was a shortage of servants so I had to pinch hit as a facilitator. It was a minor thing but it was one less headache for the people in charge.

There was a choice to make between performing service and doing my asanas – to a small degree, darkness and light. I chose and felt better for exercising my spiritual muscles instead.

The Art of Extracting a Blessing

Have you ever felt that getting your prayer answered is like pulling out teeth using a pair of tweezers?

Imagine how that goes. You are sweating and doing all sorts of contortions to get the right grip. You even stand on a chair to get leverage. The owner of the tooth has a mouth that’s already as wide and deformed as that of Batman’s nemesis, the Joker, from all the fruitless maneuvers.

For years, I felt that way about my prayer for my livelihood. I even used to say in jest that if my dream were a person, she’d be about to graduate from college soon. It has been that long.

After over a year of attending and serving at the Feast Alabang (originally South Feast), I learned that I had been going about it the wrong way. I was using the wrong tools. Yes, exactly like using a pair of tweezers to pull teeth.

Let me illustrate. I got my Novena to God’s love in 2007. In it I was supposed to write my 7 dreams and pray for them every day. The novena said they have to be specific. For two years, all that was written in my novena was my name. I could not get my dream for my career/ business down pat so I could not complete my novena.

Before 2007 I had gotten into the habit of writing down my prayer petitions at the beginning of each year. I have pages upon pages of dreams written over the years. My prayers have been constant except for this area. My dream would morph into something else as the year progressed. My prayer for my business would get snopaked, crossed out, written over in red ink, pink ink, orange ink as situations changed. Once in a while I’d modify something. That’s not exactly what I want. Or there’s something else more promising. In short, my vision was fuzzy.

Can you imagine the confusion the universe had in trying to deliver this dream? I can picture God indulgently waiting on the side till I can get it right. After all, He knows the dream He has written in my heart.

It was only this year that I finally wrote down my 7 dreams. The mere act of writing them down in that tiny book gave me laser light focus. Suddenly, things became clearer and I was able to move with a purpose. It was easier to eliminate steps that will keep me from my goal. Like will taking a job as a transcriptionist propel me to my goal of becoming a writer? Not if it will keep me from writing – the difficult accents make my ears bleed and turn my brain to soup. It robs me of creativity and the time to write. Any job I take from now on must enhance my ability to reach my aspirations.

Although I had been frenetically, obsessively working for years to make my wishes come true, the fluidity of that dream prevented it from becoming a concrete reality. When I finally decided on what I wanted, I was able to take the right steps.

In just a few months my novena has become colorful. There are now pink tick marks on it. My prayers are being answered one by one:

My elder son graduated from college. Several months after graduation, he got a job even if it was out of season for teachers to be hired. He had an earth angel in Lui, my Caring Group sister. She referred him to her client who owned a pre-school. He also auditioned for the Feast Alabang Music Ministry. Those are checks for my dream numbers one and two.

My younger son finally finished his thesis after being delayed for two terms. Not only that, his thesis won the bronze for animation in the Digicon. In Jesus’ name, he will be graduating this year. Another check for dream #2 coming.

And, as for my dream about my career, it's finally taking off.

The recently concluded talk series on Wish! How to Fulfill Your Heart’s Desire has been such an eye opener for me.

I realized that my stories and prayers flowed from my woundedness – the different trials life throws at me every once in a while.

The image of what I want my life to be is now in high definition – no longer fuzzy and conflicted.

I finally learned God’s will for me. It is not about the minute details but a vision to love like Jesus. He has given me the freedom to decide the “how”.

And finally, when I bloom where I am planted, God will shower me with all the things that are necessary to make my dreams come true.

The talks gave me the tools I needed. I have discovered the art of extracting blessings.

A Tortured Matchmaker

No, this is not about matching a boy and a girl.

It’s not about waving a wand to give them their happily-ever-afters and later realizing you’ve whipped up a melodrama instead of a fairy tale. It’s not about feeling like banging your head on the nearest wall because you’ve made the horrible mistake of introducing them to each other. It’s not about wishing you had a time machine so you can go back and ignore the urge to find a friend her match. Although I have been feeling like that recently – it’s not about that (wink to you-know-who-you-are).

I remember Rollie, my brother in the community, who is a really funny guy. We thought he was kidding when he said all the couples who asked him to pray over them have separated. But he claims this is true, so we jokingly told him to cease and desist from the couple pray over altogether. It’s not about that either – trying to patch things up and then have things go horribly wrong.

This is about my obsessive compulsion to match things. You know the way slippers and earrings have a perfect pair. Or giving exactly the same amount to each person involved. I used to count the pieces of grapes or anything of the like that I give to my children just to make sure each gets his fair share. I guess that’s what it all boils down to – a fair share.

In this case, it’s more of giving one his due. I feel that when one has rendered the same service as another, they should be given the same reward and privilege. This is why I’ve always had trouble with the Parable of the Workers in the Vineyard in Matthew 20. I felt the first workers should have been given more. That was until I heard an explanation that God’s love and mercy cannot be measured by human standards.

You might think this rant comes from my receiving the short end of the stick. On the contrary, I am tortured because I have been receiving blessings while there are those who are not getting the same. Simple as the blessing may be, I’m not comfortable with it because I get blessed periodically.

I am still in the process of discerning what I’m to do with the situation. Do I refuse the blessing until everyone gets a fair share or do I just accept God’s reward for services I rendered? Should I just accept His generosity without question and not do my bit to right the situation? My pleas have so far fallen on deaf ears.

Maybe I am called to trust in His justice, mercy and equal love for all – that He will make things right for everyone in His time.

'Listen, friend,' the owner answered one of them. 'I have not cheated you. After all, you agreed to do a day's work for one silver coin. Now take your pay and go home. I want to give this man who was hired last as much as I gave you. Don't I have the right to do as I wish with my own money? Or are you jealous because I am generous?'" – Matthew 20:13-15

My Virtual Dream Board

The walls of the center are beginning to fill up with dream boards posted by Alabang Feasters. Some have simple drawings. Some have clipped pictures (I can imagine the piles of magazines with holes in their pages left at home). Others are finely crafted pieces that show the hours spent on it by now sleep-deprived dreamers.

And my dream board? It’s one glorious blank! Pure, pristine, untouched. Not for the lack of dreams but for the lack of time. Oh I did plan it. I wanted to turn mine into an artwork. A watercolor of my dream house with my happy family. Maybe even paper sculpture it like the paintings I used to make. Or how about crafting it like a scrap book with embossed words like the beautiful ones Becky gives as birthday gifts.

But we’re now into the third talk of the Wish series with one more to go and I haven’t drawn a single line nor clipped a single picture. I want my dream board on that wall! So what’s this writer to do? Write about it of course. And print the link for this blog for my real dream board.

First thing that’s in my virtual dream board is my happy family. When I do my visualization exercise in the morning, I picture us on Sundays getting ready to serve in the Feast Alabang down to the youngest cute & chubby future grandchild.

Next is my dream home – a modern bahay na bato nestled in lush greenery. It has a brook that wends its way to the back of the house falling into a serenity pool. I actually have pictures of the community, the house and the rooms in a folder complete with all the details I want. I just need a picture of my writing nook/studio but I have that in my mind already. Bro Bo Sanchez said he reads his dream list every day. I look at my dream folder most days during my prayer time.

I love to travel, so that’s next. Europe with a Mediterranean cruise thrown in. The Holy Land. Revisit U.S.A and Canada with a must see trip to Harry Potter’s Wizarding World plus a stay in Disneyland Hotel this time and not the budget hotels we are used to. Japan and other nice places in Asia. And of course, our very own beautiful Philippine spots.

Transportation is a need and my dream for this is simple – a brand new family car or van that’s big enough for my family. And since that’s too bulky to bring around when I go to the gym, grocery, meetings and other stuff I do when I drive myself, I also want a personal car. A brand new late model Volkswagen beetle in cotton candy pink.

To cap it all is a successful career as a best-selling author and a balanced life coach. This is the only thing I was able to include in my real dream board.

All these can’t be contained in the 10”x13” dream board that we got. I would have needed a whole illustration board for all the details. My virtual dream board is fine by me. After all, these dreams are etched in my heart. I pray for their fulfillment In Jesus’ name. That’s a mighty powerful prayer. I just learned today at the Feast that it means: “If Jesus were in my place, He’d pray the same thing.”

Now I’m off to shake the universe into granting my heart’s desires.

The Third Wish

My dream No. 3.a.1 in my Novena to God’s Love is to become a writer. Dream No. 3c is to have what I do bless others and inspire them to improve their lives.

Yesterday, something awesome happened that made me realize that this third wish is slowly coming true. (There’s still 3.a.2, 3.a.3, 3b and 3d, you see.)

Allow me to flashback a bit to how this all started. A couple of years ago, when I was still in the religious gifts business, I offered to make accessories for Rissa Singson-Kawpeng, Kerygma mag editor-in-chief. She was hosting Kerygma TV. I gave her necklaces and earrings to wear on cam. At that time it was the only thing I could contribute to their mission in spreading God’s

word. Rissa was appreciative, even asked me to make her tiara for her wedding.

When I got involved in Proudly Filipina.com, an online magazine and social network for Filipinas, I was clueless about what an editor does. I asked Rissa for some tips and sent her the link to some of my articles to get a critique. I guess she liked them because she asked me to write for Didache 2010. Wow me, a Didache writer! It was a twelve year old dream that finally came true. (I wrote about this for Didache 2011. Just watch for it there.)

My reflection for Sept. 20, 2010 was about a principle we were taught when I was taking up my Masters in Entrepreneurship. In that piece I included a prayer I composed as an entrepreneur. It’s a quirky little prayer borne out of my business frustrations but written with great faith:

When business dips and sales are few, O Lord, sustain me. When the BIR comes and finds non-existent income, O Lord, defend me. When strategies and ideas run dry, O Lord, inspire me. When opportunities knock and the risk is scary, O Lord, encourage me. When money is scarce and the SSS and Philhealth checks need to be signed, O Lord, empower me. When you finally bless us with abundance and loyal employees need a raise, O Lord, remind me.

The next day, I received some emails thanking me for the reflection. It warmed my heart that my simple little prayer touched these people. One email in particular floored me. It said:

“don't know you but I would like to thank you for your "prayer" sa Didache reflection yesterday.

"When money is scarce and checks need to be signed, O Lord, empower me."

I really like this sis. It became my inspiration since yesterday and I want to make it my personal prayer from now on. I actually posted it in my FB account. You see, I needed to fund a check worth 35k today and since yesterday, been worrying how to produce that amount since funds are low. Praise be to God, before 3pm today, I was able to produce exactly that amount... The Lord empowered me… and thank you so much. May the Lord continue to use you. God bless you.”

So this is what it feels like to be the straw through which God’s blessings flow. I was amazed, awed and humbled.

Outrageously God’s Best: Website Launch

Here’s my pre-launch to-do list:

1. Brainstorm.

2. Weave, mold, alter-to-fit everybody’s input into one unforgettable presentation.

3. Get approval. Squeeze brain cells dry (as Osy, my very dependable Media Ministry editorial assistant, puts it) to revise rejected portions.

4. Ask for volunteers for each task – at least that’s what I called it. Mike I. & Mike T. plus his brother Jep for the video; Osy & Julie as production assistants; Kring, Jessica and Khaki for the costumes; Betsy and Tin for the music; the others for the social networking invites/alerts and as prayer warriors.

5. Say a prayer of thanks for my ministry members who are creative, talented, enthusiastic and have the initiative to get things moving. Did I mention hardworking too?

6. Rope in people from other ministries to help:

•Benjie (straight out of his hospital bed) and Rollie to download the “Overseas Feasters” video. That live streaming portion was really from Canada courtesy of Butsch and Noemi Portento. Yes, Kulasa there are LOJ members who serve the Feast Alabang even from the land of Far, Far Away.

•Ernst and Jo of Creatives Ministry for the fashion show

•Toto of Youth Ministry

•Naty of Special Events for the food

•Eugene of Technical

7. Recruit models. We-ell, in some cases it was really more of cajole, beg on bended knees, hoodwink, blackmail. They said yes for the love of the Lord and probably to stop me from pestering them.

8. Take medicine to counter mild vertigo attacks aggravated by frustration and stress. The dancers, most of them imported from outside the community, arrived at the final rehearsals with dance steps for a different song and were totally clueless about the concept, among other things.

Bro Arun described the launch of the Feast Alabang official website as outrageous. He said people expect religious activities to be boring, serious, somber and limited to spiritual matters. But all the Feasts are growing phenomenally because the talks are about how God is lord over all areas of our lives. And, these are presented in outrageous ways.

The models were truly outrageous! All 14 of them – Tito Steve & Tita Mely, Sis Siony, Bro Efren & Sis Violy, Joey, Alex, Dan, Fe, Manny, Cora, Willy, Susan and Ched. Most of them have passed the golden mark with a handful already in their 70’s. But they gamely strutted their stuff in the catwalk like supermodels. The hoots and catcalls when they paraded onstage were deafening.

The people who made the launch possible had outrageous servants’ hearts. No one complained that we couldn’t give them lunch – we were going over the budget as more than the expected number of dancers came. Media Min members exercised great patience in re-choreographing the dance like nursery school teachers giving instructions to toddlers. The brothers threw away their dignity and did things they probably would not be caught dead doing by their subordinates. Tito Steve who never wears shorts donned one for the launch. The sisters in their be-wigged and be-feathered finery remained ready, eager and joyful through all three tiring sessions.

I had a pep talk prepared for the rehearsal but didn’t get to give it because of time constraints and the aggravation-induced wooziness. It was to encourage everyone to give their best. I believe they are God’s best – chosen especially for that moment to carry out this task of launching the website.

As for the dancers, I will probably never know or might know only a few years down the line why they were the ones sent by God instead of the Youth Ministry members I was expecting. I will make a guess that having experienced the Feast, they will join the community and have their future transformed to one over which our outrageous God reigns.

Watch the outrageous launch here:

Feast Alabang Website Launch from Feast Alabang on Vimeo.

Song of Praise

“God is good, all the time…”

Last Sunday’s Feast had a special format unlike the usual worship then talk that we got used to. Worship was woven into the thread of the whole talk. After Bro Arun sang some lines of the song, he asked us to partner with someone and share why God is good all the time. “What good thing did He do for you this week?”

Beside me was Louie, the son of my Caring Group mates, Rollie and Beng. He said shyly, “Tita, I can’t think of anything.” But I persisted, “it’s impossible that nothing good happened to you this week. Think of something nice that happened.” He smiled. “There was no class last Friday.” His smile got wider. “I went to two parties and had a nice time.” “There you see, “I told him, “God gave you blessings this week.” He was beaming by this time.

“He put a song of praise in this heart of mine…”

Sometimes, we need a little prodding to recall the good things that happened. Sometimes we are only grateful for the things we see, forgetting a host of other unseen blessings. But when being thankful becomes a habit, a veil is removed from our eyes and we recognize blessings instantly. Being in a state of constant gratitude is being in a constant state of praise.

“God is good all the time…”

When my turn to share came, I recalled my many blessings for the week. My elder son was given the opportunity to train as a teacher in a school he likes to work in. He has also begun to serve in the Feast – part of dream No. 1 in my Novena to God’s Love. My younger son finished his thesis. I got to watch the Citipointe Live concert for free.

“Through the darkest night, His light will shine…”

What I didn’t have time to share was the package of blessings I got that day.

• Before the Feast started, we were checking out how the stage looked. Suddenly, I felt the floor tilting under me. The good thing was I was still able to call out that I was feeling dizzy. Belle and Myrna who were standing beside me caught me in time.
• It happened when I was already in the Feast Alabang Center and not while I was driving. I also recovered quickly, served for two sessions and felt well enough to sing and dance in worship.
• My Papa came when I texted him because I was afraid to drive home. He in turn was blessed. My dizzy spell allowed him to attend the Feast which he thoroughly enjoyed.
• Standing behind them, I was treated to the beautiful image of my son hugging my father at the Grandparents’ Day pray over.

“God is good, God is good all the time.”

It’s Beginning to Feel Like Home

Our new home, the Feast Alabang Center is filling up. Last Friday, there were so many people and it wasn’t even a Sunday. There were lots of things going on all at the same time.

The Youth Ministry had dance practice. My Media Ministry had a meeting then practiced for our website launch presentation. The Kids’ Ministry also had a meeting. There were two Caring Groups present for their weekly gathering. After all that was done, the center was filled with the singing of the Music Ministry.

I felt a happy glow to see the center come alive. All the efforts of the Council, servants and faithful attendees to build this dream are beginning to bear fruit.

The Gold Calling Card

What kind of man gives out a gold calling card? Not gold colored. Not gold leafed. A calling card made of one gram of fine gold. It even said so in the back of the card.

I had the rare chance to view this card in one of my interviews for Insight Magazine. The interviewee was the President and CEO of TAT Filipinas Golf Club, environmental lawyer Edna Paña. The calling card was given to her by her boss, the Japanese owner of the golf club.

So what kind of man gives out a gold calling card? Filthy rich obviously. Descended from the royal family. Owns a huge, authentic, centuries-old samurai house that dwarfs the other houses around it. Partly owns a leading Japanese car company, a construction company and a host of other businesses.

Is this gold calling card, patently a glittery show of wealth, ostentatious and sinful?

In his last talk for the series T3: Time, Treasure and Talent, Bro Arun Gogna spoke on “The Gift of Prosperity”. He said the Practical Gospel teaches that we should practice simple prosperity. A simple life is a happy life. A simple life gives two important benefits. It allows us to GIVE MORE and to RELAX MORE.

But, he says, the standard of simplicity is relative. We have to decide what simplicity means to us – an Innova instead of a Mercedes Benz, a Coach bag bought in Divisoria instead of the real thing? The choice is ours but the important thing is we are called to be generous.

Lastly, Bro Arun stressed that while the Practical Gospel teaches us to tithe, the abundance the Lord showers us with must still be cared for properly. We need to be good shepherds of our money.

So to answer my second question if the gold calling card is sinfully ostentatious, I guess it’s not necessarily so. Not if this man can actually afford to give out a 10 gram gold calling card but instead uses the cost of the 9 grams to help others or to preserve the bounty the Lord has given.

In TAT Filipinas Golf Club, it seems the “9 grams of gold” is being used to support Atty. Edna Paña’s worthy causes and advocacy. TAT has a Youth Development Program. Scholarships are given to talented but underprivileged children to hone their golf skills, develop their character and eventually help them rise up from poverty. TAT also builds the employees’ capacity by teaching other skills to enable the staff to augment their income during lean months. Instead of landscaping unused land, it is utilized as an organic farm where 100% of profits go to the employees who tend the land. More importantly, her boss’ “9 grams of gold” has allowed Atty. Paña to transform TAT into a sustainable golf course where care for the environment is strictly practiced.

After my interview, other questions popped into my head.

What will I do if I receive a gold calling card? Nothing much I suppose. The craftsy person that I am, maybe turn it into a bling or a bookmark.

How will I feel if I can afford to give out a gold calling card? If I were that rich, again, nothing much I suppose. To a fabulously rich man that’s just like giving out a paper board calling card with unevenly cut borders (I swear, my last batch is like this).

But the more important question is: What will I do with my “9 grams of gold”? For here lies the true gift of prosperity.

The Feast Alabang is held every Sunday. First session at 11:00 am and the second session is at 3:00. Venue is in the Feast Alabang Center, 2^nd Level, X-site entrance, Festival Mall, Alabang.

Garden of Blessings

When we were planning our house, I told my architect-husband I wanted a big garden. He cut our lot in half, positioned our house on one side and left the rest for the garden.

Our garden is big enough for several fruit trees. Which we have. We have a mango tree that has grown quite huge. It is the landmark for guests & delivery boys looking for our house. We also have a duhat tree. Out back there’s chico, balimbing (star fruit), kamias and kalamansi (native lemon). We even had an atis (sweet sop) tree that loyally bore fruits with thick, creamy pulp until it got diseased and died.

In summer, we have so much fruits my family can’t eat them all. My boys don’t even like eating them anymore. I sometimes force feed my twentysomething sons just to make them taste our garden produce. They must have had too much (the mango especially) when they were small they want no more. I remember their shirts turning yellow because they were sweating out mango from eating fresh mango, mango ice box cake, mango tart, mango ice candy and drinking mango juice. Now, they’d rather eat store bought fruits.

When the fruits are in season, there’s a mad scramble to give them away to relatives, friends and even strangers. If we don’t share them, they end up rotten and cluttered in our garden.

Looking out to my garden this morning made me think that our life is a lot like owning a garden filled with fruit trees. When our eyes are open to the blessings, we pick the fruits, enjoy them and thank God for what He has given. We see the rare privilege that others don’t have and use what we are gifted with.

Other times we don’t see and appreciate the rich blessings around us. We’d rather pine for something else rather than be nourished with what we already have. Like manna that is abundant and free, the blessings that we have are sometimes taken for granted.

When the harvest is plentiful, we should not keep the treasures for ourselves. We have to share them with others who are not as lucky to have what we have. A blessing kept, like those fruits, will rot in our hearts.

We need to take care of our gifts. We have to nurture and nourish them so they will bear more fruit. Time has to be spent with God and our loved ones so relationships grow. Time has to be given to our work and our passions in life – for study and training so our craft improves. Otherwise, like that atis tree whose sweet fruit we can no longer eat, we lose a very precious gift.

It’s also nice to swap with friends who have other types of fruit trees in their house. We enjoy a variety. Like the people who serve in our community, we are all blessed with different talents and abilities. When we bring what we have to the table no matter how small, everyone enjoys a feast.

My life is a garden of blessings. In it are my three trees: time, talent and treasure. I have to nurture, share and appreciate them so my garden will grow, bloom and bear more fruit.

(Want to know how to make your garden of blessings grow? Learn the Secret of Big Returns at the Feast Alabang. Come to the Feast Alabang Center, 2^nd Level, X-site entrance, Festival Mall, Alabang every Sunday. First session at 11:00 am after the 10:00 am mass. Second session at 3:00 pm before the 5:00 pm mass)