A Personal Worship

It was casually mentioned on our way home from the Kerygma Conference last Sunday that Belle, Josie and I were going to lead the worship for our Feast Alabang Servants’ Christmas party. I thought it was a big joke. “Hmmm,” I said to myself, “Cercado Sisters* minus 1, tander version. "Tander as in matanda, get it? Better yet, translate that to the more politically correct term – “mature”.

Although being a worship leader has been flitting around the fringes of my dreams, it was not something that really called me with a passion. Unlike Niko, our youngest worship leader, who clearly heard God’s promise that he will lead worship in the Feast, there was not even a whisper to me.

Besides, I was afraid I wouldn’t be porous enough for the Spirit to fill me. I have observed the really good worship leaders to be so soaked in the Holy Spirit that it just radiates from them to the whole congregation. As for me, I can be hard-hearted and hard-headed at times.

Then I remembered the prayer I say before I write anything – for my blog or for Didache or for Halo-Halong Hālo: “Lord, let me be a straw through which your blessings or message will flow to the people who need it today.” A straw is not porous. It just needs an entry and an exit point. My entry point is my mind which God enlightens and fills with wisdom. My exit points are my hands that write. All I do is open myself up for the Holy Spirit to use me as a channel – hard head and hard heart pushed to the sides to clear the flow.

That worship leader thing was just the joke that I thought it was after all. An idea miscommunicated along the way. But God woke me up at 5:00 a.m. that following Monday (it’s a holiday, Lord!!!) prodding me to write my worship. So here’s a writer’s personal worship – written not spoken, read not heard:

To end this year, I want to praise and thank God for the many blessings He has given me, my family and my Feast Alabang family.

When I started serving at the South Feast, my life was going nowhere. You know that saying, “When God closes a door, He opens a window”? I could not relate. My prayers were unanswered for so many years. I felt that after all the doors closed there was very little light coming in – only slivers of light from under a closed door or a glow at the very far end of a tunnel.

But I kept serving through harassments and financially lean times. When I was asked to join the igive.club, I jokingly said to Becky, “Pwede ba recibo na lang ng gastos ko sa Feast ang ilagay sa envelop?” (“Can I put receipts for expenses I incurred for the Feast inside the envelop instead?")

But God is a God who cannot be out-given. This year He has thrown open many doors and windows all at the same time:

This year my elder son graduated from college and got a job.

This year my younger son’s thesis won multiple awards (yup, he just won another award for his category in Animahenasyon, the Philippine Animation Festival, and was even in contention for the grand prize).

This year my father survived a medical emergency. This year both my parents celebrated their 80th birthdays.

This year my calling as a writer began to bear fruit: I now have a blog, My B.A.G. of Miracles. I was named feature editor of the magazine I write for, I became a Didache writer. And just last month, I was also asked to write for Kerygma Magazine. As a matter of fact, the January 2011 issue features an article I wrote.

This year the Feast Alabang Center was built blessing around 1,400 people each week. We have our own place. A place we call home.

This year the number of servants grew from the twenty-four that started South Feast to almost two hundred. We now know more people to love and to be loved by.

I, personally, and we as the Feast Alabang family have many, many things to thank God for. No one deserves all our praises more than You, Jesus. Lord, receive the honor that You’re due. Receive my offering of worship.

The sun cannot compare

To the glory of Your love

There is no shadow in Your presence

No mortal man would dare

To stand before Your throne

Before the Holy One of heaven

It's only by Your blood

And it's only through Your mercy

Lord I come

I bring an offering of worship to my King

No one on earth deserves the praises that I sing

Jesus may You receive the honor that You're due

O Lord I bring an offering to You

O Lord I bring an offering to You

– Offering , Paul Baloche

To my fellow servants, I exhort you to pursue your dreams. But keep serving the Lord and see the surprises He has in store for you because He is a loving, wonderful God. He is magnificent and glorious.

Who compares to You?

Who set the stars in their place?

You who calmed the raging seas

That came crashing over me

Who compares to You?

You who bring the morning light

The hope of all the earth

Is rest assured in Your great love

When the evening fades

You call forth songs of joy

As the morning wakes

We Your children give You praise

You are magnificent, eternally

Wonderful, glorious, Jesus

No one ever will compare to You Jesus

– Magnificent, Hillsong

You O Lord are truly wonderful and glorious and you deserve all the praises because You are our king, You are our savior, You are Emmanuel, You are God who is with us. And we praise you and we glorify you.

Here I am, I've come to thank You

Here I am, a life You've changed

Because You gave Your life for me, You were crucified for me

How can I do anything but praise, I praise

You, You are God, You are Lord

You are all I'm living for

You are King of everything

I want my life to praise You

You are God, You are Lord

You are all I'm living for

You are King of everything

I want my life to praise You

– You, You are God

Thank you for this year Lord and thank you for the avalanche of blessings that are coming next year. I worship you my God.

*The Cercado Sisters are talented young women who won 16 gold medals in the 10th World Championship of Performing Arts in 2006. The sisters shared their touching story and talent at the recently concluded Kerygma Conference. If I’m not mistaken they serve with the Feast Quezon City.

The Art of Extracting a Blessing

Have you ever felt that getting your prayer answered is like pulling out teeth using a pair of tweezers?

Imagine how that goes. You are sweating and doing all sorts of contortions to get the right grip. You even stand on a chair to get leverage. The owner of the tooth has a mouth that’s already as wide and deformed as that of Batman’s nemesis, the Joker, from all the fruitless maneuvers.

For years, I felt that way about my prayer for my livelihood. I even used to say in jest that if my dream were a person, she’d be about to graduate from college soon. It has been that long.

After over a year of attending and serving at the Feast Alabang (originally South Feast), I learned that I had been going about it the wrong way. I was using the wrong tools. Yes, exactly like using a pair of tweezers to pull teeth.

Let me illustrate. I got my Novena to God’s love in 2007. In it I was supposed to write my 7 dreams and pray for them every day. The novena said they have to be specific. For two years, all that was written in my novena was my name. I could not get my dream for my career/ business down pat so I could not complete my novena.

Before 2007 I had gotten into the habit of writing down my prayer petitions at the beginning of each year. I have pages upon pages of dreams written over the years. My prayers have been constant except for this area. My dream would morph into something else as the year progressed. My prayer for my business would get snopaked, crossed out, written over in red ink, pink ink, orange ink as situations changed. Once in a while I’d modify something. That’s not exactly what I want. Or there’s something else more promising. In short, my vision was fuzzy.

Can you imagine the confusion the universe had in trying to deliver this dream? I can picture God indulgently waiting on the side till I can get it right. After all, He knows the dream He has written in my heart.

It was only this year that I finally wrote down my 7 dreams. The mere act of writing them down in that tiny book gave me laser light focus. Suddenly, things became clearer and I was able to move with a purpose. It was easier to eliminate steps that will keep me from my goal. Like will taking a job as a transcriptionist propel me to my goal of becoming a writer? Not if it will keep me from writing – the difficult accents make my ears bleed and turn my brain to soup. It robs me of creativity and the time to write. Any job I take from now on must enhance my ability to reach my aspirations.

Although I had been frenetically, obsessively working for years to make my wishes come true, the fluidity of that dream prevented it from becoming a concrete reality. When I finally decided on what I wanted, I was able to take the right steps.

In just a few months my novena has become colorful. There are now pink tick marks on it. My prayers are being answered one by one:

My elder son graduated from college. Several months after graduation, he got a job even if it was out of season for teachers to be hired. He had an earth angel in Lui, my Caring Group sister. She referred him to her client who owned a pre-school. He also auditioned for the Feast Alabang Music Ministry. Those are checks for my dream numbers one and two.

My younger son finally finished his thesis after being delayed for two terms. Not only that, his thesis won the bronze for animation in the Digicon. In Jesus’ name, he will be graduating this year. Another check for dream #2 coming.

And, as for my dream about my career, it's finally taking off.

The recently concluded talk series on Wish! How to Fulfill Your Heart’s Desire has been such an eye opener for me.

I realized that my stories and prayers flowed from my woundedness – the different trials life throws at me every once in a while.

The image of what I want my life to be is now in high definition – no longer fuzzy and conflicted.

I finally learned God’s will for me. It is not about the minute details but a vision to love like Jesus. He has given me the freedom to decide the “how”.

And finally, when I bloom where I am planted, God will shower me with all the things that are necessary to make my dreams come true.

The talks gave me the tools I needed. I have discovered the art of extracting blessings.

It’s Beginning to Feel Like Home

Our new home, the Feast Alabang Center is filling up. Last Friday, there were so many people and it wasn’t even a Sunday. There were lots of things going on all at the same time.

The Youth Ministry had dance practice. My Media Ministry had a meeting then practiced for our website launch presentation. The Kids’ Ministry also had a meeting. There were two Caring Groups present for their weekly gathering. After all that was done, the center was filled with the singing of the Music Ministry.

I felt a happy glow to see the center come alive. All the efforts of the Council, servants and faithful attendees to build this dream are beginning to bear fruit.

Voiceless Worship and A Healing Miracle

COUNTDOWN TO FEAST ALABANG CENTER OPENING

Friday, July 30, 2010 (9 days to go)

Music Ministry practice. Sharp pain in my throat as I tried to reach a high note. Uh-oh. Not good.

Sunday, Aug. 1, 2010 (7 days to go)

Last day of the South Feast in Cinema 10. Excitement in the whole theater – we’re finally moving after a week’s delay. But my excitement mixed with worry. I hope I can sing at the opening. That spike-haired bug was still frolicking in my throat at worship.

Tuesday, Aug. 3, 2010 (5 days to go)

Off to Divisoria with the other committee members to buy Music Ministry outfits. A hot, tiring day of walking, searching and haggling (a.k.a. harassing store owners to death.) After a quick shower, it was off to the South Feast Council meeting. My cough was having a field day – firecrackers in August.

Thursday, Aug. 5, 2010 (3 days to go)

Spent the whole day looking for South Feast servants’ pictures for the bulletin. I got a headache and was feverish. I missed Music Ministry practice.

Friday, Aug. 6, 2010 (2 days to go)

Second choir practice. I attended even if the infection had turned my voice from Alto 1 to Bass 2. I didn’t want to be clueless about the mechanics on opening day. So I lip synched it.

Saturday, Aug. 7, 2010 (1 day to go)

Jericho march at the center. Dust, dust and more dust greeted us. We must have been a sight. Bro Arun onstage with his guitar and about a hundred servants marching and singing – all wearing masks.

On to Music Ministry practice. Thank God it was just for program flow and blocking.

On to stage décor set-up. Thank God for the help. My Creatives Ministry angels: Jacq, Khaki, Charisse and Ernst who made the stage as dreamy as a wedding gown; Krisanne and Maan with their parents who made the festive balloons for the entrance. And of course, there were our ever-helpful brothers of the Facilities Ministry.

Sunday, Aug. 8, 2010 (D Day!!!)

All I could croak out that morning was a monotone. For the life of me, I couldn’t manage a string of notes that remotely resembled a tune. But I wanted so much to be with the choir in worshipping God on this historic day. So tune or no tune, voice or no voice, I decided to sing praises to my God. It was a worship of the heart.

Already positioned onstage, we witnessed the ribbon-cutting from afar. What a sight to see all our loyal attendees there dressed in their Sunday’s best for the occasion. This is our family celebrating the opening of our new home.

The enthronement of the Bible, the Crucifix and the Blessed Mother was so touching. It moved many people to tears. They were enthroned not just in the altar but in our proudly Catholic hearts.

Bro Arun’s talk was brilliant, hilarious and inspiring, as usual. His talk is the key that keeps people coming back for more. So we were secretly watching the city councilor who pinch-hit for the mayor at the ribbon cutting. Obviously not a charismatic member, she was stick-stiff even when the whole house was already jumping to the great worship. We wanted to see her reaction to the talk. It thawed her out. By the time Bro Arun asked us to sing after his talk, there she was with her hands up in the air like the rest of us.

And the worship! As I said, it was great in the morning session. But the worship in the afternoon was awesome. And that is an understatement. The Holy Spirit was an almost visible presence. He must have decided to sit and stay when Bishop Jesse Mercado blessed the center.

The excitement was as thick as the artificial haze we used for effects. Our beloved leader, Bro Bo Sanchez, was in the house with his family. With the Kerygma 5 Preachers. With our Light of Jesus elders. With the other Feast Builders.

So the spirit-led worship leaders (even those from the morning session joined in) and the whole Music Ministry were inspired to literally rock the stage. And the attendees rocked the rest of the center with singing and dancing. Someone remarked it felt like a KCon high (to the unfamiliar that’s the Kerygma Conference – our annual community gathering). A community elder complained with a big smile we made his knees hurt from dancing.

A POSTCRIPT, A MIRACLE

The following week, fatigue and inhaling more dust in the center during our Tuesday night Council meeting brought on a relapse. By Wednesday I was running a fever. I prayed that it will be gone by Saturday so I can attend to my duties at the Feast on Sunday. But by 10:00 Saturday night, I had a 37.6 temperature. I texted Bro Joey & Sis Myrna, my heads in Events, that I was still sick. I heard the text alert on my phone. Before reading the message, I decided to clear my nose. Pardon the grossness. It seemed all the infection clogged up in my head flowed out. I was surprised because I had spent a week almost bursting my eardrums trying to expel the blockage with no results. This time I breathed freely.

When I read the reply from Bro Joey, I got goose bumps. His text message read: “May the most precious blood of Jesus wash away the cause of your fever. May God heal you right now. In Jesus’ name we pray.” At that moment, I realized the cause of my fever had been washed out. I claimed healing and made a deal with God. If I wake up the next morning without a fever and my chest congestion cleared, I was attending the Feast.

Early Sunday morning after a restful sleep, I checked my temperature. To my disappointment the thermometer read 37.6. But wait, that was my temperature last night! I forgot to shake down the thermometer. I took it again – it was 36.7 this time.

I joyfully proclaimed God’s healing at the Feast. After that, every time, I took my temperature, I would naughtily remind God that I had boasted about His miracle. “Pag nabinat ako, mapapahiya tayo, Lord.” (If I get a relapse, we will be shame-faced, Lord.) I can see Him smiling indulgently as He keeps my temperature below 37.

God is so good. He is worthy of our worship – even if it's a voiceless one.

Of Pink Laptops and Sweet Bell Peppers

I gave myself two merit badges recently. If I could have real badges made, one would have a pink laptop. The other, a plump red bell pepper.

I’m a balanced life advocate. I set goals for my family life, my spiritual & community life, my health, my finances. I even have “pamper me” objectives just to keep me sane and happy. Once in a while, I backslide. Or my resolve gets tested.

PINK LAPTOP

First test – financial literacy.

Basyang destroyed my precious laptop. And I helped. My mechanically-challenged brain did not pause to think that turning on a wet laptop would fry the motherboard. So there I was a blogger with only a pen and a notebook. A Media Ministry head with no access to the internet. Of course I had sons with computers to harass or cajole but it was getting difficult to borrow the computer. After a few days, I was getting scowls or deep sighs.

I scouted around for a laptop. P20,000 plus for one like mine. I was especially tempted when I saw a pretty pink laptop sitting in the store waving at me, “We belong together. Buy me!” But the P23,000 would have put a nasty dent in my savings.

So I dug my heels in and decided to make do with cast-offs. By God’s grace my son’s old computer just needed a new cable. This my other son had plus an extra mouse. My cousin sold me her son’s bulky old monitor. The new things I invested in were a keyboard, a voltage surge protector and a wireless USB dongle. All in all, I spent P2,749.75 for my set. About a tenth of that pretty pink laptop.

Test passed. My badge? The pink laptop still sitting in the computer store. It will sit there until I can really afford it. Or maybe heaven will send me one.

SWEET BELL PEPPER

Second test – health.

I have a treat day every week. I indulge in chocolate (the only health food that I honestly like) and potato chips (no amount of justification will make that a health food –baked not fried vegetable?)

Lately my indulgence expanded from the usual Monday to Tuesday (“I’m stressed – I need a treat”), to Wednesday (“I worked hard – I need a treat”) till I was finding an excuse every day. After listening to “Awaken the Healer in You” series at the South Feast, I had to shake myself out of this guilty pleasure and find something good for my body.

Thank God for TV cooking shows, I stumbled upon a healthy dish which I altered a bit. It’s supposed to be a kebab but we were out of barbecue sticks.

Grilled Tuna Fillet

Tuna Fillet drizzled with olive oil and sprinkled with cumin, cayenne, salt and pepper.

Big & plump red bell pepper, sliced

Broccoli stalks, peeled and cut into sticks (the broccoli head I stir fried in lots of garlic)

Dipping Sauce: unflavored yogurt & lemon.

I grilled the bell pepper and broccoli stalks with the fish for a healthy treat. Junk food bingeing junked. My badge? The red bell pepper. I was surprised I liked it. It was really sweet.

The Heart of the Blog

Early this morning, I received a text from my sister-in-law, Beth. She thanked me for my reflection in Didache today about this blog. Her words: “…very inspiring. I should also make a journal to appreciate (blessings) and have the attitude of gratitude.”

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – God’s timing is perfect. Last night, I belatedly read an email asking me about the colors the Music Ministry members were supposed to wear last Sunday. The sender said in jest I was too busy writing my blog I forgot to send this out. “Color coding” is one in a myriad of tasks I do for the South Feast. I do this early in the week. Last week it was not done because my laptop was included in Typhoon Basyang’s death toll.

After re-reading my Didache reflection during my prayer time, I realized something. These 3 things – the text, the email, my laptop’s demise – were all timed to remind me that lately I had not been writing about the things I set this blog up for.

So, I return to the heart of the blog. As I write my B.A.G. of Miracles (write – as in pen on paper. Later, I will harass my son to let me use his computer) the words of the song Heart of Worship run through my mind. “I’m coming back to the heart of worship…” I’m coming back to praise God for His many miracles.

LAST WEEK’S SCENARIO:

1. We had two batches of balikbayan relatives to entertain in our maid-less home.
2. It was my younger son’s birthday.
3. Typhoon Basyang dropped in on a clueless Metro Manila. (May bagyo pala!)

My Bs:

1. The blessing of assistance. From my sons who cleaned the lawn and hauled gallons of water. From my cousin, Belle, who cooked kare-kare for the party (a dish I never cooked despite my late husband’s threat not to marry me until I learned how). From my parents who are still actively doing chores at 80. From outside helpers who cleared the rubbish from the storm.
2. The blessing of protection. Our roof hung on for dear life amidst Basyang’s howling winds.
3. The blessing of darkness and light – yes, the power outage was a blessing. No computers to zombify us, no TV to steal our time. My sons and I spent some quiet time sitting on my bed just chatting. And then there was light, in less than 24 hours at that. While most of the metropolis still groped around in darkness, we were pounding madly on our keyboards to beat deadlines. My son for his long delayed thesis and me for the South Feast bulletin.

My As:

1. Fed the multitude plus cooked a special birthday dinner without burning/ breaking/bungling anything
2. My first try with my tita’s caldereta sans tomato sauce recipe was successful. (I think the secret was in the pray-over as it simmered on the stove.)

My Gs:

1. Took time off from cleaning, cooking, serving to watch “Inception” with my two boys on the younger one’s birthday.
2. Made relatives from both sides of my family happy.

There you have it. A full B.A.G. of Miracles.

The Healer Within

HEALING THE BODY

I did a Lady Gaga recently. Nope, not another wacky song and dance number with my costume-happy LOJ community. I tripped and fell and scraped my knee at the mall. I regained my poise only when l saw on TV that I had celebrity company. Lady Gaga tottered on extremely high heels and took a tumble at Heathrow airport in full view of the media. But while only her dignity was hurt, I got a one peso-sized wound on my knee that became extremely painful.

Sometimes, I can’t help but think that the Lord times these things so I can have something to write about. The Sunday right after my less-than-graceful fall was the start of Awaken the Healer in You series at the South Feast. Bro Arun gave the big message for Talk 1, Healer: “God has given you the power to heal yourself.” He also said that the best pharmacy in the world is our body. We have antibodies that can fight off any bacteria and any virus if we have a strong immune system.
Bro Arun Gogna
Observing how my body fought off a possible infection until my wound got devalued to a 10 centavo-sized scab brought home that point. The body has a healer within. But that was merely skin deep. What about more serious ailments? Those too can be healed if we remove spiritual, emotional and chemical toxins within us.

Bro Arun cited the example of Bro Cris Picardal, our Disaster Response Ministry Head. When Bro Cris was diagnosed with a serious ailment, he had an office mate who also had the same illness at about the same time. The other guy went under the knife and got the regular treatment. He passed away after a year. Bro Cris opted for a treatment that hinged on strengthening his immune system. He also continued to faithfully serve in our community. Today, four years after his diagnosis, he exhibits that a strong immune system plus a healthy soul equals a healthy body.

Cris Picardal with daughters Krisanne & Maan following Bro Arun's exhortation to show love to family in Talk 3: Relationships of Awaken the Healer in You series.

HEALING THE NATION

Last Sunday, in Emotions, Talk 2 of the series, the central theme was: “What you feel, you can heal.” Diseases are messages from the soul. We kill the message when we just take pills for the symptoms. We should instead focus on the cause which most of the time can trace its roots to negative emotions. We should not pretend that nothing is happening inside us. It is not good to escape negative emotions because if ignored, they turn into addictions. To avoid emotions killing you, pour your heart out to the Lord. Let it all out. He can take it. He’s a big God, bigger than all our problems combined.

I thought about this as I listened to the forceful, no-nonsense inaugural address of our new president yesterday. P-Noy said, “To those who are talking about reconciliation, if they mean that they would like us to simply forget about the wrongs that they have committed in the past, we have this to say: There can be no reconciliation without justice. Sa paglimot ng pagkakasala, sinisigurado mong mauulit muli ang mga pagkakasalang ito.”

So true. Corrupt public officials who have not been brought to justice have become addicted to money and power. The president’s call for public servants to fight corruption within the bureaucracy and for everyone to walk the straight and narrow (“Tayo na sa tuwid na landas.”) is a call to strengthen our country’s immune system. As citizens we cannot close our eyes to the illness in our society. We have to be the healer within.

*Thanks to IC de Guzman for the South Feast photos